Just Like His Father, Or Maybe Too Much

Following last week’s post Funeral Musings on Family Member Evolvement, this week we’re returning to the subject of character traits that often get handed down through one’s DNA.

As someone who frequently works with several members of the same family, usually from more than one generation, this idea is really never far away.

Of course it’s easy to read way too much into this idea, and make assumptions about how a member of a rising generation “should” be just like their parents — and we need to be careful of that.

This past week, while speaking with a colleague, I shared a self-reflection regarding my own parents and how I turned out, and the conversation that followed has led us back to this idea here.

Partially Inspired by Prince?

The recent ten-year anniversary of the passing of Prince may be why some of his lyrics jumped into my mind as I talked about how “just like my father” I was (or was not).

As I spoke about how different we were, and how I’m 1000% sure he would not do well in the roles I’m called to play when working with a family, the song When Doves Cry came to mind.

“Maybe I’m just like my father, too bold” is an oft-repeated lyric.

My relatively recent realisation that I inherited more useful traits from my mother for my current career is a fact I now often share.

“Maybe you’re just like my mother, she’s never satisfied” was about the woman in the couple in the song, but I ended up thinking of how her personality rubbed off on me in positive ways.

Facilitation Is Not Telling People What to Do

When I imagine my Dad taking my place in a meeting with a family, I see things unfolding much differently than with me facilitating.

He was a smart and successful businessman, and he was always very sure of himself.

I jokingly say that if he were leading a meeting instead of me, it would go much faster!

It would be much more of a one-directional monologue than a dialogue.

What Traits Are Needed in Successive Generations?

Enough about me and the role of a facilitator — the families I work with are typically led by someone who has been successful, and they eventually become concerned with the leadership of the family once they are no longer “in charge.”

There can be a tendency to look for the person in the next generation who is most like this leader, on the assumption that what got you here is going to be what it takes to get you there.

That can work, but it isn’t the only way, and is often not recommended.

When you work with family enterprises, you quickly realize that there’s an extra couple of layers of complexity to deal with.

First of all, the family considerations invariably end up mattering at least as much as the business realities.

Secondly, the ownership of the assets — and how that’s expected to transition from one generation to the next — can make things extra complex.

Leading the Business vs Leading the Family

The qualities of a person who will be competent to lead the business are not always found in the offspring of the current leader(s).

Sometimes the qualities are there, but they aren’t the same qualities as the current leadership, so they aren’t properly recognized by those who need to figure this out.

And let’s not forget about leading the family — isn’t that also important, especially if the family is planning to continue being the owners of the business or assets?

What Was Needed Then, What Will Be Needed Later

One of the easiest examples of different leadership needs we can usually find is between the founder in the first generation — commonly labelled “G1” — and the second generation, “G2.”

The skills and risk-taking of an entrepreneur required to get a company off the ground are not something everyone has — and I’m not sure they can be taught, except under certain conditions.

But taking a successful company and maintaining it and keeping it on the rails, while juggling ownership by various family members, requires skills as well — and they are not necessarily the same ones.