I came back from a wonderful vacation this week, after spending almost three weeks in Brazil with my family. Naturally, the people I run into all ask me the same question: “So, how was it?”
After the first answer, which was always “fantastic” or some similar adjective, I tend to add that it’s the shared experiences we lived together that will be the best memories for me. Obviously, I hope it will be the same for my children.
It reminds me of other vacations we’ve taken together over the years, but that the kids seem to have mostly forgotten. Now that they’re 12 and 13, I think the memories will be etched a little more deeply.
We had unexpected moments from the Amazon to Iguaçu Falls, by way of São Paulo and Rio, plus a number of beaches and national parks. More than a week with a family of Brazilian friends, futbol matches with electrifying crowds, and lots of wild animals that we don’t see back home.
But it will mostly be the little moments among ourselves that will stay with me over the long term.
The experiences we live, and that others have already lived, can also serve as common ground, even when we don’t live them together or at the same time. I’m talking here about people we meet and then find out that we studied at the same school, or played on the same team, or went through a certain experience.
I had the misfortune of being in a small car accident about fifteen years ago. When we got out of our cars, I exchanged business cards with the other driver. He looked at my card and asked me, “MBA? Which school?” I told him “Western” (now known as Ivey). “Me too,” he replied. With that, we were on the same wavelength, and he told me that if there was any damage, he would call me.
I remember reading a story about Pat Burns, the hockey coach. He didn’t have an agent like the others; he trusted his cousin, Robin Burns, a former NHL player, but also a very successful and highly respected businessman.
After a deal was reached between Pat and the Bruins, the team’s negotiator asked Robin, “Where did you go to law school?”, assuming that he too was a lawyer by profession. It’s an example that shows how the way we act can create the illusion that we’ve lived a similar experience, with a positive result.
When we talk about business families, a point of contention can develop between the family members who work in the business and those who aren’t employed there. It’s often because of a lack of shared experiences that problems arise.
That’s the importance of communication, and even of making sure to plan activities for the whole family that can serve as common ground and shared experiences. It’s a good way to start discussions and to encourage communication among all the members of the family.
Lastly, I’d like to point out that when people who work in a family business have the chance to talk with advisors who have also worked in a family company, the fact of having lived similar experiences can also help lead to a deeper level of understanding, more quickly.
