How the Family Governs the Family Business (Part 2 of 2)

We left off last week’s blog talking about some of the family members who are not employed in the family business, but whose lives are nonetheless affected by the business, as part of the general theme about how the family governs a family business.

Today we will use the airplane analogy to talk about how they can influence the business, as well as the responsibilities that come along with the benefits. We mentioned a few of the different generic players who might be involved:

– Alan/Alice (G2 child who is not employed),
– Betty/Ben (G2 in-law), and
– Chris (G3 potential future employee).

The day-to-day business is run by the employees, and the employees are usually managed by the senior executive(s) of the company. If there is a board of directors, the board appoints these executives.

Somewhere in that framework, there will be some sort of strategic plan that guides the company from month-to-month, quarter-to-quarter, and year-to-year. So what about the family? Let’s go to the airplane analogy.

The company is the airplane. It would seem crazy to simply allow Alan/Alice to decide that they wanted to fly the plane one day, by simple virtue of the fact that they are the child of the founder.

Similarly, if Betty/Ben were to insist that their family wanted to use the plane for a month for a long-dreamed-about trip around the world, this idea would be rejected.

And if Chris is thinking “It sure would be cool if I could borrow Grandpa’s plane to bring my buddies to Cancun for spring break”, this is probably not something that should be seriously considered.

But airplanes can be used in many different businesses. FedEx uses them to deliver packages, Doctors Without Borders uses them to fly to underserved countries to provide much needed medical services, and organized crime uses planes to move illegal drugs around from country to country.

What business is the family in? What business does the family want to be in? What business is the family good at? What business can the family be proud to be in? All of these questions are family questions.

When Grandpa started the company, these were not questions that were pondered. If, however, the family business is going to last more than a generation or two, these questions become crucial.

In order for the family to be involved in the answers to these questions, there needs to be some form of governance structure. How are decisions made? Who gets to have a say? How do we communicate? These are all really important questions that are part of transitioning from Grandpa’s start-up to the legacy, multi-generation company.

This is hard work, and when you think about it, not every company will have what it takes, and not every family will have what it takes, to make it happen.

While Alan/Alice, Betty/Ben, and Chris will rightly feel like part of the family and therefore part of the business, the benefits of ownership, if they are to enjoy them, come along with responsibilities as well.

The most common form of governance for the family is a sort of “Family Council”, which will represent the family’s interests regarding such questions as “what do we want to use our airplane for?” After all, it might have their name on it.

But for their say to be taken seriously, they must work together, in a formal way, to have their voice heard. And while initially Grandpa may have a hard time accepting that others want a say, the family’s best hope of being taken seriously is to work together, within a structure, as the family’s voice.

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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How the Family Governs the Family Business (Part 1 of 2)

One of the most challenging aspects in dealing with business families, is getting everyone in the family to understand their role with respect to the family business. Some of the most successful families are the ones who have taken the time to properly explain the areas of overlap between the business and the family.

Members of the family who are employed by the company have most of their roles defined for them, as do all other employees. There are other roles that go beyond those of non-family employees as well, and these are some of the tricky areas.

In addition, there are usually many other members of the family who are not employees, but whose lives are very much interwined with the success of the business. These people often feel like outsiders, and sometimes feel torn by their feelings toward the business, due to certain ambiguities inherent in their situation.

Let me put a couple of generic examples in play here to help illustrate these points. Let’s take a second-generation company where the founder has a number of children, some of whom are employed in the business, and others who are not. Also, some of these G2 members are married and are starting families of their own.

(I will use the more typical male founder in my example, but this typical family is gender-neutral for our purposes).

Founder/Dad/Grandpa did not have to worry about these questions when he started out, and probably does not relish dealing with any questions that “dilute” his total control over the governing of his “baby” by anyone other than himself. With time, he will often come to realize that he must relinquish control of some aspects of the business, often to his children and other trusted employees. This, in and of itself, is already a huge step that many are unable to easily accomplish.

Now let us take it a step further, to where I really want to go with this example. If the family business is to REALLY succeed into future generations, the circle of people who are affected by it will continue to grow outward. Let us think just about 3 generic members of this family for illustrative reasons.

– Alan/Alice (G2 child who is not employed),
– Betty/Ben (G2 in-law), and
– Chris (G3 potential future employee).

All of these people’s lives are very much affected by the business. In the community, these people are viewed as part of the family and are considered by most outsiders are “part of the family” in every way. They are seen to be owners of the wealth of the business (even if they are not, or are only tangentially so).

Their public behavior in the community can also affect the reputation of the family and therefore the business as well, and not always in a positive fashion.

Their expectations of how they can, will, and should benefit from the business, now and in the future, are certainly something that they spend some time wondering about, and for good reason.

It can be very difficult to get founder Dad/Grandpa to ever even think about these issues without stirring up some negative feelings about these questions, feelings about how these people should just be grateful for what they will eventually get.

But the sooner these questions are addressed, the better. Next week, we will look at the analogy of the airplane as the family business. We will look at how the family gets to be involved in what the airplane will be used for, and also in who gets to actually fly the airplane, and under what circumstances.

We will also look at some of the benefits of ownership, which also come along with their own responsibilities.

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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The Value of a Trusted Family Business Advisor

When I am asked in social situations what I do for a living, I reply with “I am a family business advisor”. The most common response to this is a quizzical look, as if to say “Is that a thing?”

And I must confess that for me, a few short years ago, it was not a “thing” in any sense of the word. As I get more involved with organisations of like-minded people, however, I am more convinced than ever in both the need for advisors like us, and the demand that we are creating for our services.

A recent story in the Globe & Mail, Ten reasons why family businesses fail, brought the subject back to the front burner for me. The story mentions, as reason #2, “Lack of trusted advisers.” It goes on to laud IFEA, the Institute of Family Enterprise Advisors, which I naturally endorse as well, being both a member and a graduate of their education program.

I would beg to differ a bit on the wording “Lack of Trusted Advisers”, however. I believe that in most cases, the family business leaders have many advisors in whom they place their trust. So there is no lack of advisors, in my opinion.

Does that mean that there is a lack of trust, then? Yes and No. I trust my mother with many things, but I would not ask her for legal advice. I also trust my lawyer, but I would not ask him for his advice on how to make those potato pancakes that I remember from my childhood. The point being, you trust different people for different things.

So what about the trusted family business advisors, then? This brings us back once again to IFEA, and also FFI (The Family Firm Institute), as two of the leading associations that bring together family business and family wealth advisors.

Both IFEA and FFI offer education and certification programs to people who advise family businesses. They also offer these people a community to share what they have learned, as well as a network of scholars who have been advancing the young field of family business advising at an ever-increasing pace.

What I was referring to above when disputing the choice of words in “lack of trusted advisers” was more about the semantics of “not trusting their advisers on the most important matters”. I always like to point out that family businesses have plenty of advisers for their business concerns, but far fewer resources to help them with their family concerns.

Combine this with the statement that more family businesses fail because of “family reasons” than “business reasons”, and you start to understand why I believe that there is a huge potential to develop advisors who understand the overlap between family and business.

Once family business leaders understand that there are advisors like us out there, they trust us with matters in these key areas. What are some of those areas? Glad you asked.

I usually break them down into three major areas: Facilitation, Coaching, and Mediation.

Facilitation is about how a group works together, and making things easier (plus “facile” in French) by acting as a go-between and interpersonal communication expert.

Coaching, for me, is mostly about bringing individuals to their true potential, helping them over obstacles, bringing out their best selves.

Mediation is necessary when there is a conflict that seems unsolveable between parties, unless and until they get outside help, from a qualified mediator. Too many families wait until they reach this stage before bringing in outside help.

Every family business advisor that I know would prefer to come in sooner, before mediation is needed. But if that is when and where the need is felt, we will gladly provide that assistance as well.

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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Creating the Family Business Legacy You Want

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I believe that just about every family business founder wants the same thing. In the short term, there are many ways to achieve it, but in the long run, due to human nature, not only business people, but all people, want to be remembered fondly and to have their efforts appreciated.

No, I do not have any statistical evidence, and I have not done any surveys, but if we just take a quick look at the opposite situation, how many people do you know who want to be remembered as a scoundrel and being despised? Yes, there are some, but thankfully they are in the minority.

What this blog is about in general is family business, and today’s topic is legacy. I truly believe that every family business founder wants to create a lasting positive legacy. Of course one of the traits that many of these people also have is that they believe that they are going to live forever.

Getting these people to actually commit to doing some serious succession planning, or as it is now more commonly referred to, continuity planning, is a huge problem, but we will get to that again in a future post. Today I want to talk about a pre-requisite that I believe must be present, but which is not spoken about enough.

So what is this mystery element that “must” be present? I like to call it Family Harmony. Despite their best attempts to avoid it, every single one of us will die some day, and there will be others that we will leave behind. It is up to those people we leave behind to ensure the positive legacy of the family business, and/or the business family.

This example has been used in this space before, but it was in one of my occasional French blog posts, and since I get more English readers, it is time to translate it.

Even those of us who have never been camping will surely have driven by a campsite or seen a tent structure before. In my analogy, your legacy is the tent. We can see the tent, how big it is, its shape, its colour.

The tent also provides lots of utility, in economics parlance. Shelter from the elements, safety, a place to gather and be together, often as a family.

Imagine for a moment that you only packed the shell of the tent, and you forgot the structural elements at home in the garage. Without any support to hold the tent up, without any pegs to hold it down in place, I think that this camping trip will likely be called off, or else be deemed sub-optimal. “Did we pass any motels lately?”

In my analogy, the pegs that hold the tent in place, and the support pieces that hold the structure up in a useful form, are the family harmony that you need to support the legacy that you want.

I realize that in this blog I have not proven this to be true, and those who do not want to believe it can do so if they choose. But please think about this, and share this example with others if you are a believer.

Too many business founders spend so much time making the proverbial pie bigger and bigger, without spending enough time thinking about how the pie will survive, how it will be grown or preserved after they are gone, and how those left behind can benefit from the pie for generations to come.

It does not happen by itself, and the harmony in the family is one of the biggest determinators of how well their legacy will survive.

Yes, it means that you need to discuss the fact that you will die one day. Get over it. Your legacy depends on it.

 

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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Looking for the “Real Will”

I came across a crazy news story last week, and since it is tangentially related to matters that I like to blog about, I thought it would be worth tackling. Here are both the headline and the subhead that made me click the link.

3 accused in desecration of Colebrook grave
Grave desecration related to inheritance, police say
In case you are interested in the whole backstory, here is a link:
http://tinyurl.com/RealWill
Here is my “Reader’s Digest” version of what happened. Local businessman dies. Ten years later (yes, 10 years) one of his daughters engages the help of some friends to go and dig up his grave, convinced (somehow) that he was buried with the “Real Will”.

There are a few elements to this story that I found surprising, the first of which is the location, in New Hampshire. For whatever reason I had figured that it would more likely have taken place in any number of other US states, none of which I will name here, I will let you use your imagination and choose your “favourite” state.

Another surpise was the time that elapsed between the burial and the desecration. We can assume that the daughter was not happy with the way the estate was settled, but why did she decide to wait ten years to act on it?

We will get away from this specific story and move on to more general comments in a moment but not before asking the obvious question: “Who the heck would bury someone with the “real will”, or any will, for that matter?”

Okay, end of rant. So what really went on here, and how could all this have been avoided?

Well for one thing, if the businessman had taken the time to inform his family members of the contents of his will, while he was still alive, I think it is pretty safe to assume this scene would have been avoided.

Maybe some people reading this think I am crazy for thinking that sharing the contents of your will with others is a good idea, and that would not surprise me.

A few weeks ago I was in Vancouver for the CAFÉ (Cdn Assoc. of Family Entrprises) Symposium. Tom Deans, author of the book “Willing Wisdom”, was one of the keynote speakers.

Deans talked about getting family members involved and writing a”collaborative will”. He admits that sometimes his message is not well received, and many people look at his proposition with great scepticism.

I am not one of those people, and I believe that he and I are singing from the same page. In my soon-to-be-released book, SHIFT your Family Business, you will be able to read my take on the subject of working together with your family on important issues like your legacy.

Collaboration and communication are two important aspects of business families that often do not get the recognition that they should.

The more people work together on something, and have a hand in how it is put together, the more likely they are to support it in the future. Whether it is a family business, other family assets or wealth, or simply a will that lays out someone’s wishes, it doesn’t much matter.

Get your loved ones involved, or at the very least let them know what is in your will, so that they won’t be surprised and disappointed later. If that means disappointing them now, and you want to avoid that, well then you have some things to work on, don’t you?

And for God sakes make sure that they don’t bury you with the “Real Will”.

But your kids are smarter than that, right?

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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Bonne fête des paires

Depuis que mon père est décedé en 2008, chaque fête des pères soulève une variété d’émotions pour moi.

D’une part, je suis très reconnaissant des sacrifices que mon père avait fait, et ce, presque tout au long de sa vie, pour sa famille. D’une autre part, ma réflection devient difficile, puisque je suis tenté de me comparer à lui.

Et de là, le titre que j’ai donné à ce blogue, un jeu de mots, sur “père”, versus “paire”.

Ceux qui ont des enfants sont presque tous d’accord que tout change le moment qu’on devient parent, il n’y a pas trop d’exceptions là-dessus.

Et parmi les hommes que je connais qui ont perdu leur père, une grande partie comprennent la pertinence de l’expression: “C’est quand ton père meurt que tu deviens vraiment un homme”.

La fête des pères, pour moi, en tant que parent, est quand même assez spéciale. Mes deux enfants sont forcés à admettre que je suis un papa plus ou moins “adéquat” pour eux. Lors de leur passage au primaire, ils revenaient de l’ecole avec des cartes et des cadeaux fabriqués à l’école avec amour.

J’adore leur conter des histoires des fêtes des pères de ma jeunesse, où mes soeurs et moi avions essayé de confondre notre père avec des cadeaux bizarres.

Mon père était un homme sérieux, et pendant qu’il était en affaires, cela lui servait bien. À sa retraite, il était devenu un peu plus facile à approcher, surtout avec l’arrivée de ses petits-enfants.

Mais revenons au jeu de mots, pères, et paires. Pour mon papa, il n’avait pas beaucoup de paires dans sa vie. C’était lui le “boss”, au bureau, et chez nous.

Éventuellement, en vieillissant, il avait accepté qu’il n’était plus celui qui devait, ni qui pouvait, controller toutes les aspects et décisions dans sa vie. Presque tout d’un coup, il avait abdiqué son rôle de patron, pour accepter les décisions de ses enfants. Malheureusement, il était déjà rentré à l’hôpital pour la dernière fois quand ça c’est passé.

Durant les années où nous travaillions ensemble dans notre “family office”, même vers la fin quand je prenais la plupart des décisions, souvent sans lui en parler d’avance, c’était toujours clair que c’était lui le père ET le boss, et que j’étais le fils, ET l’employé.

Je ne sais pas si c’est parce que nous vivons dans un ère plus moderne, ou si c’est simplement mon style d’être parent, mais je ne préconise pas cette façon de faire.

Pour ma part, j’ai hâte que mes enfants deviennent mes paires. Ils n’y sont pas rendus encore, et ils ont encore bien des choses à apprendre, et ceci de leurs deux parents, en plus de l’école.

Dans certains domaines, notamment tout ce qui entoure les ordinateurs et la technologie, ils ont déjà une longueur d’avance sur nous, sans surprise. Dans d’autres, ils nous approchent à grand pas.

Mais personnellement, je prend beaucoup de fiérté en leur faisant confiance pour toutes les questions qui concernent leurs décisions personnelles, en leurs offrant mes conseils, mais sans leur dire quoi faire.

Je n’ai aucune ambition de controller mes enfants, et je veux qu’ils deviennent mes paires assez rapidement.

J’aimerais co-exister avec eux dans une ambiance de collaboration et d’entre-aide, pendant encore des dizaines d’années.

Je crois que cette attitude pourrait également être bénéfique pour d’autres familles. Les familles où le père contrôle tout, jusqu’à sa mort, sont chose du passée, n’est-ce pas?

Je vous laisserai réfléchir là-dessus.

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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Enter with Courage, Exit with Dignity

In last week’s blog, I mentioned that I would soon be attending a workshop on “Dealing with difficult people. I spent some time on whether it is the people who are difficult, or just their situations, as well as the wisdom of trying to avoid difficulty indefinitely, in the hope that things would just improve on their own.

This week I was in Toronto for the workshop, and it provided me with a lot of great tools and ideas that I will surely put to good use. One of the memorable take-aways for me was something that was not only unexpected, but after I wrote it down, I could not even recall what caused the course leader to add it to the flipchart in the first place.

What I do remember is that while debriefing a roleplay we had just done, she wrote down the words “Courage & Dignity” in thick black marker. Something compelled me to write those words onto the page I had created in my binder for important ideas that I wanted to recall in the future.

We had been working on the idea that before entering into a discussion that would likely be difficult, it is usually a good idea to do some preparation. What is the goal, what emotions might be evoked, are their any identity issues that could come into play, those sorts of things.

My take was that while it was certainly a good idea to prepare, going in with a long list of ideas was not the best approach for me. To my way of thinking, summarizing the preparation in a few words was a better way to guide my approach.

The one word that grabbed me was “courage”. How many times have you been in a situation where your brain knew that there was something important that needed to be addressed, but you could not bring yourself to say the words required to bring the issue to light?

So my first take-away was to remind myself to summon the courage required to actually get the tough issues on the table.

And what about the dignity?

When we bring forth difficult topics, often someone will be put on the defensive. We probably want to avoid this, which is likely why the subject has been left unaddressed for so long.

But just as it is possible to disagree without being disagreeable, it is possible to have a mature discussion, about just about any topic, where you make sure that everyone leaves with their dignity intact.

What do I mean by having your dignity intact? People do not usually like to feel like they have been attacked, and they rarely feel good when they feel like they have lost something.

Personal attacks should be avoided at all costs, and so should win-lose situations. It takes some emotional maturity to do things in a way that everyone can leave a difficult discussion with their head held high, but it can be done.

In a business family, the people who need to discuss sensitive issues are often relatives, and they are sometimes from different generations. This combination of familiarity and built-in hierarchy can make these discussions very tricky.

Believe me when I say that I fully understand why it is difficult for Junior to tell Dad that there need to be some changes. Been there, done that.

But if Junior can summon the courage, and be mindful of Dad’s dignity, he is much more likely to be successful.

And if he can’t do it alone, he should enlist the help of others, either from within the family, or from the outside.

Enter with courage, and make sure everyone leaves with their dignity. Good luck.

 

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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Avoiding Difficulty: It’s Not Always Easy

Over breakfast with a coaching colleague recently, I informed her that I was enrolled in an upcoming workshop on “Dealing with Difficult People”.

She was almost aghast that in this day and age, an organisation would use the term “Difficult People” in the name of a course that they offer. “Hmmm”, I thought, maybe she has a point. Once a person is labelled “Difficult”, often many of their issues become even harder to overcome because of the term.

Maybe the name of the course has failed to evolve with time, or maybe a more politically correct term would not attract as many participants, but the subject of difficult people, difficult situations, and difficult conversations has been top of mind for me lately.

Sometimes we spend a lot of energy doing everything we possibly can to avoid dealing with topics that make us uncomfortable. Other times, we are comfortable with an issue, but we fear that the person to whom we want to deliver a message will not take it well, and it is therefore easier to avoid it.

If someone really needs to understand something important, but nobody is willing to help them see the light, or to help them see themselves as others do, is it really better to just go on and not try to help them, just because it might be difficult?

When communicating with others on sensitive subjects, most of us have heard the term “you can disagree without being disagreeable”. I am talking about much the same thing here.

I often tell my kids that what you say is important, but HOW you say it is even more important.

Broaching difficult subjects requires tact, emotional maturity, empathy, and the ability to listen to people without judging them.

In a family business situation, these sorts of scenarios play themselves out over and over. And because family members have so much history together, a lot of things get carried around like excess baggage, for far too long.

Sometimes situations fester and eventually a difficult conversation can no longer be avoided. It is usually only after this discussion has taken place that any real progress can actually happen. Family members will sometimes look back and recall that the difficult confrontation that they were trying to avoid was actually the key to moving forward.

So not only is avoiding difficulty not always easy, it is not always recommended. It sometimes takes courage to begin discussions that must be had, but that courage is often rewarded.

A fresh perspective from an objective set of eyes can be so helpful for the person who needs to make some changes but who has not seen the urgency to act.

Nobody is “difficult” per se. Everyone deserves a chance to be the best they can be, especially in a family business.

One of the biggest obstacles to happiness in business families is poor communication, which leads to confusion over roles, ambiguity about future goals, and assumptions that each person makes about where they fit, now and in the future.

Clarifying these things involves communication, and much of that communication includes conversations, and they are often difficult conversations.

But the longer those difficult conversations are put off, the more confusion, ambiguity, and wrong assumptions take root, and then you risk the possibility of some members of the family becoming “Difficult people”.

People are not difficult. Situations can be difficult. Change the labels, look at things realistically, start the conversations gently, listen to others, without judgment, and move forward.

Nobody ever said it was going to be easy.

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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Did You Hear the One About the Family Business That…

I spent three days in Vancouver this week at the CAFÉ Symposium, along with a couple of hundred like-minded family business types. The Canadian Association of Family Enterprises (CAFÉ for short) has been running their symposium every 2 years, but they are now going to make it an annual event, starting next spring in Toronto.

So what happens at these events? I’m glad you asked.

Wednesday started with an optional factory tour that was hard to resist, since we got to see the inner workings of a chocolate factory. I had the pleasure of being in the plant tour group that was lead by the patriarch of the company, and I had flashbacks of my own father showing off his shop a few decades ago, seeing the pride a builder exhibits when showing off the operations of his business.

The remainder of the program was a combination of keynote speeches, workshops, an awards dinner, and my favourite part, the “Business Family Story” discussions, along with their Q & A sessions.

I love to hear stories about families who are in business together because they are all so different and we can always learn something new. The first family that we heard from was a media company, founded by a man who eventually brought his daughters into the business, including one who was recently named president.

Afterward, the father-daughter team who run the chocolatier came up and told the story of their business, and how they dealt with their succession and how the daughter purchased the company from him over several years.

The next day featured a family in the hospitality industry that was even more fascinating. Dad was in his 70’s and chairman of the board, and all four of his children were in key positions, including the oldest son who is President. This is not that rare of course, but the fact the he had promoted his son to the presidency at the age of 22 did have some in the audience shaking their heads.

On the last day, 2 cousins took the stage to tell the story of their business family’s journey from great-grandpa in the mining business, and his company that was passed down to grandpa, now owned by 3 siblings in the third generation (G3).

The two members of G4 talked about how they are working on the ways that several members of G4 will eventually take over the family assets, as they have recently shown their ability to take over and run the family foundation. They are also looking at how members of G5 can begin to play important roles.

The open exchange of what families have done, what else they tried, what worked and what didn’t, and the sharing of their trials and tribulations, along with their successes, was not only fascinating, but inspiring.

There was plenty of teaching and learning going on over the three days, and I left feeling like many business families are finding excellent ways of dealing with the issues that make family business so interesting and challenging at the same time, thanks in part to the help of CAFÉ.

I also got to meet several other advisors who are graduates of the Family Enterprise Advisor program. Since the program originated at UBC, there are so many more FEA alumni in Vancouver. I mentioned that all of the FEA certificants from Quebec got together for a meeting recently, but that unfortunately that included only me from the 2013 Toronto cohort having lunch with Joe Havas from 2012.

This also reminded me of my, Dad who used to say that he had held a board meeting earlier that morning, while in the shower, alone. Family businesses still seem to be reluctant to appoint outside boards of directors, but thankfully more and more are seeking the help of qualified and experienced outside advisors.

I will certainly be at the CAFÉ Annual Symposium in Toronto in 2015.

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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“Me” versus “We” in the Family Business

Our family was watching Shark Tank together last night, and one of the companies making their pitch did something that I see far too often.

There were two women standing before the sharks, and in response to a question, one of them continually responded with “I have done this…”, “I can do that…”, while her partner stood there looking like a nobody.

Now it is highly probable that the woman using the first person singular pronoun “I” is in fact the only person who owns their company, or is at least the one at the top of their company food chain.

But if that is the case, what was the point of bringing along the other person? I see something similar, far too often, when shopping at local retailers. When I ask someone if they have a particular item, the reply sometimes comes “I have some in the back”, or “I’m getting some in next week.”

Well if the person saying this is the owner of the store, I certainly understand that, but when it comes from a teenager at a big box store, I think it is safe to say that they do not own the place, and therefore the item I am asking about is not “theirs” in any way.

In a family business context, this can be pretty tricky too. If Mom or Dad started the business without the kids, they can certainly be forgiven if they continue to say I rather than we. But what do they gain by that?

Maybe it is a cultural thing, but to me it smacks of some kind of ego gratification and making oneself seem important. But again, what is gained?

I daresay that in most contexts, a customer would feel more reassured knowing that they are dealing with a company comprised of several people who all care about serving them as a customer, rather than by just one, especially if the one is not “the boss”.

Back to the family scenario, so Dad keps saying “I” even when the children have taken on significant roles, no big deal, right? Well think about it from the perspective of those kids, how do they feel? Early on it is not much of an issue, but what about after 5 years, or 15, or 25?

To illustrate let me share a story about a related question, what the kids call their parents. As a child, I called my father “Daddy”. That is fine when you are 8, but at 28, or 38, it sounds pretty childish. I was ashamed to use the term, so I always found a way to avoid calling him anything. After all those years switching to “Dad” did not feel right.

With my own kids, I let them call me “Daddy” for the first couple of years, but then insisted they call me “Dad”, and they have been doing it ever since. (Okay, I’ll admit they sometimes call me Stevo, but never Daddy)

Old habits are hard to break, but they can be broken. What is needed first is the recognition that a change is needed, and then an insistance that the change be made. Then, with repetition, and more repetition, the change can become permanent.

The other thing to point out is the sooner you start, the easier it is.

The specific words that we use are often more important than we think they are, and when you switch to using “we” instead of “I”, it is rarely just a change in vocabulary.

The shift in attitude that comes along with the change in vocabulary is even more important. And don’t forget, it can come before OR after.

That’s right, you can change your attitude and decide to change the words you use, OR, you can change the words you use, and your attitude will eventually change too. Try it.

Steve Legler “gets” business families.
 
He understands the issues that families face, as well as how each family member sees things from their own viewpoint.
 
He specializes in helping business families navigate the difficult areas where the family and the business overlap, by listening to each person’s concerns and ideas.  He then helps the family work together to bridge gaps by building common goals, based on their shared values and vision.
 
His background in family business, his experience running his own family office, along with his education and training in coaching, facilitation, and mediation, make him uniquely suited to the role of advising business families and families of wealth.
 
He is the author of Shift your Family Business (2014), he received his MBA from the Richard  Ivey School of Business (UWO, 1991), is a CFA Charterholder (CFA Institute, 2002), a Family Enterprise Advisor (IFEA 2014), and has received the ACFBA and CFWA accreditations (Family Firm Institute 2014-2015).
 
He prides himself on his ability to help families create the harmony they need to support the legacy they want. To learn how, start by signing up for his monthly newsletter and weekly blogs here.
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