They Both Begin with “Uni”, but Are Very Different
Over the past decade since I’ve been sharing my thinking here, a number of subjects have obviously been repeated several times.
Having defined my “turf” loosely as discussing the challenges that families face when trying to transition their wealth to subsequent generations, there are only so many general categories one can write about, especially if you’ve committed to churning out something new 52 times each year.
So as I embarked on this week’s post, I looked back to see how often I’ve written about the idea of “family unity”.
Well, let’s just say that I was surprised at how infrequently I’ve written about this subject.
Clues from the “Family HUG” Post?
I distinctly remembered one post from 2021 where “unity” was a key word, as it played the key role in the acronym I’d coined, providing the vowel in “HUG”.
See The “Family HUG” We’re All Looking For
That piece stemmed from a comment by a colleague during a webinar I was leading for the FFI course I teach on family governance (GEN 502, for the curious).
Lisa had mentioned that all families want the same three things: “Harmony, Unity, and Growth”, and as I noted them I was struck by the word “HUG” that they formed, and made that the genesis of the post.
But why haven’t I written about unity more often?
Could it be that it is so much of a “given”, because every family wants it, so it’s not worth discussing?
I’m pretty sure that’s a part of it.
Is Uniformity Part of the Equation?
There are lots of “sub-plots” in any story of family unity, and one of the big ones, whether or not it’s actually recognized and spoken about, is the concept of uniformity.
Simply put, to what extent do we all need to be the same, in order for us to remain together.
This idea comes from the work of a friend and colleague, Nike Anani, and is mentioned in her book Lifetime to Legacy, which I recommend, as it had me nodding my head all the way through as I recently read it.
She suggests that differing views on how much uniformity is desired by different members of any family are worth exploring and discussing.
These are my own views on her writing about this, but they’re what resonated with me, my take-aways, and continue to evolve as I think about this subject.
Finding the Right Balance Between “Me and “We”
A common scenario sees the leading generation wanting more uniformity, with members of the rising generation preferring less.
When facilitating family conversations around this idea, words like “unity” and “uniformity” are never mentioned, but they’re always in everyone’s subconscious.
Sometimes when everyone is thinking about something but not speaking about it, that becomes an opportunity for a skilled outsider to broach the subject.
A sub-text here often includes a certain desire and expectation that the rising generation follow their elders and adopt the ways of their parents, because, well, they’ve been successful so far!
Meanwhile, their offspring have often grown up in a very different world, see things very differently, and have their own views, ambitions, and priorities.
These differing views are always at the root of challenges to be overcome, and the sweet spot typically lies somewhere in the middle of those views.
The ideal situation is one where the family finds the right balance between the “We” and all of the “Me’s”.
Diversity Is the Key to Maximizing Human Capital
A subject that I do write about a lot is human capital, and the idea that every family would do well to consider each of their family members as useful contributors to the family wealth and mission.
If all of those people are the same, i.e. too uniform, you will not be able to get as far together, because you will have a lot of redundancies.
Diversity is an asset and should be sought, promoted, and celebrated, as it allows the family more options and avenues that they can pursue together over coming generations.
Unity gets tougher as a family grows in numbers, it’s basic math when you get right down to it.
Families need to find ways for everyone to play a part in achieving the right level of unity, and uniformity is never part of the solution.
In fact, trying to force too much of it is often part of the problem!
