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An Under-Appreciated Skill of Facilitators
During any given week, I speak to many people involved in working with families who plan to transition their wealth to the next generation.
These conversations include those with members of my client families, discussions with prospective family clients, peer discussions with other professionals I already work with, as well as a variety of professionals in peripheral fields.
Unfortunately, a large percentage of these conversations occurs with folks who really have little appreciation for the subtleties of how to actually do the facilitation part of this work well.
During a recent call with Melissa, my long-time coach, I said something about “holding the space”, which she certainly “gets”, but then quickly wondered how many others with whom I speak regularly actually have even a minimal grasp of what that means in practice.
So that’s where we’re going this week.
A Serendipitous Confirmation for This Post, Now
So I knew that I’d scrawled something in my notebook about a blog on holding the space, and forgot about it.
The next day, while scrolling through my LinkedIn feed, I came upon a brief video by a colleague with whom I’m currently working, and so I watched what he shared with interest.
While he didn’t refer to how he “holds the space” (which he does exceedingly well) when meeting with clients, he did talk about how important it is for a facilitator to emphasize courage and compassion when working through issues between family members.
After adding my comments of appreciation to his post, I went to my notebook to jot down that idea as a future blog subject.
When I flipped the page back, I saw my previous note about holding space and it hit me, this is simply another part of that same subject.
So this now becomes a 2-for-1 blog. (For the same zero dollars!)
Making It Safe for Everyone Present
When family members gather to discuss matters related to the assets that they own together, there are typically a number of imbalances to contend with.
People from some generations have more power, knowledge and control than others, siblings play various roles (or none at all), some are intimately familiar with the subject and others feel more like bystanders.
And yet, they need to come together occasionally to discuss matters, so that they can get comfortable with how they’re going to make decisions for their common benefit, and how they are going to communicate going forward.
If you’ve never been in a room with people who are trying to do that, it can be a little bit intimidating.
Being invited by a family to play the role of facilitator for such meetings is a privilege that is not to be taken lightly.
As I often mention, the root word of “facilitator” is “facile”, which is the French word for “easy”, so my job is to make things easier.
Coming Prepared for Anything
A few months back, in Bringing the Weather (and a Deck of Cards), we looked at the fact that leading such meetings requires taking control of some key factors, like speaking order and the floor time each person gets to speak.
We also noted that the role is all about process, and not so much about content.
The content comes from the family participants, but the flow of how things play out is navigated by the facilitator.
As I reconsider the term “holding the space”, it occurs to me that there’s also a huge time element involved as well.
Knowing when to break, sensing varying energy levels or frustration, and reading the room are all part of the equation.
This can get easier with practice, and the more meetings you run, the better you get at it, and when you get to work with the same family members over and over that also helps a lot, because you (hopefully) develop a comfort level with one another.
Moving the Family in the Right Direction
The discussions families have together in these meetings are important, because they deal with intense subjects, which can stir up emotions.
The facilitator is there to ensure that everyone feels safe and heard, and that’s where the courage and compassion often come into play.
My goal for each meeting is always to keep the family moving in a positive direction, and learning how to be together in ways that they can discuss matters in a productive way.
