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And They Work Both Ways for Advisors
If you want to write a lot, it helps if you read a lot too.
I suppose I could just spout off my own thoughts here each week, but I decided long ago that my best bet was to share lots of wisdom that I gather from elsewhere along the way.
Because the area of family wealth transitions is kind of a niche, much of what I do is read more “general wisdom” and then share how it applies to the work that I do with client families.
LinkedIn has been the source of many of these blog posts over the years, and this week is no exception.
I’ve shared ideas that came to me in French from time to time too, and we’re going back there again too, “Merci à mon amie Sylvie”, who posted something timely there recently.
“If You Want to Help People, Make Sure….”
Naturally, many of the people I follow on LinkedIn work with families as well, and a certain segment of them do specialize in the “family circle” like I do.
The network of those who do this work in French here in Quebec is growing too, and this post came from a friend and colleague I’ve known for over a decade.
She posted about an inspiring training session she’d attended, sharing a short quote the head trainer offered up.
Because it was in French, I’ll provide a translated version and then we’ll dissect it and share some thoughts.
“Remember that if you want to help people, make sure that you like them, believe in them, and have the skills to work with them”.
Let’s break down the three criteria in that statement.
Does “Aimer” Mean Like, or Love?
The first question that might arise if you read the original version is the translation of the word “aimer”, which can mean both “like” and “love”.
I chose “like”, but am aware that some people set a higher bar, and advocate for loving their clients.
Not sure I fully subscribe to that, although I can see how it could be helpful, but also may cause issues.
But it definitely is hard to do this work for clients you don’t at least like.
I Believe in You
The second criterion is to “believe in” the people you’re trying to help.
That’s another thorny one for me, because it can sometimes seem to be absent, and then we need to ask ourselves if that’s on them, or on us.
Chatting with my own coach recently about a client with whom I was beginning to have doubts about my belief in them, she reminded me that our coach training rests on a fundamental belief that people are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. So I am supposed to believe in them, because I’m a CPCC (Certified Professional Co-Active Coach).
Her implication was that if I was having my doubts about a client, I had some reflecting to do.
And she was right (as usual!)
Having the Skills to Help Someone
The third criterion from the quote could be the trickiest one of all.
Working with families on their “family stuff”, their relationships with each other, as they figure out how they’re going to make decisions together in the future, isn’t something that you can just take a course for to learn, and then state confidently that you have the skills for.
Many people come to this work from other fields that are more about structure and products, and they’re more about content for families.
My work, and that of many of my friends and colleagues, is all about process, and very light on content.
See Liberal Arts Vs. STEM Skills to Serve Families for more on my view of these skills.
I’m Not the Only One Who Needs to Believe!
So far we’ve been looking at this from the perspective of the advisor looking at their clients.
Of course the clients themselves have their own views on their advisors, that they rightfully consider even more important.
Few clients want to work with people they don’t like (or love), and any such relationship is doomed if they don’t believe in us.
That we have the skills is often assumed by the clients, so advisors need to be frank and humble about their skills when entering family terrain.