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Agreements Gathering Dust: Bad vs. Good

A Necessary Evil Worth Getting Right

Working with enterprising families, there’s a lot at stake, because you’re trying to preserve the family’s wealth while also worrying about the quality of their relationships.

This work always entails some agreements that are put into writing and then signed by the parties, supposedly to make sure that all possible scenarios have been thought through, understood, and agreed to.

Preparing these agreements is done by well-trained and well-paid attorneys specialized in such matters, so everything should work out just fine most of the time, right?

If only it were that simple.

Formalized Governance Is VERY Important

I write about family governance a lot, but rarely about the formal written agreements that enterprising families typically put into place to formalize all the legal questions around both their business or wealth and its ownership.

The governance I usually work on with families involves their family relationships, and is thus typically much more informal.

Of course all three of these circles are interrelated and so the manner in which they’re governed cannot be looked at independently, but rather interdependently.

There’s More to Governance than Written Agreements

Although my specialty is governance of the family, I do get involved in how the written agreements relating to the business and its ownership get put together and signed by the family members, when appropriate.

My role, and my goal, is to make sure that the affected family members fully understand what they’re signing, so they know what they’re agreeing to.

Those agreements are necessary, so it makes sense to try to get them right, lest they be deficient when they’re actually needed in the future.

Ideally the relationships of the parties will be so positive that they’ll never need to rely on those documents, and they can simply gather dust. 

And that would be a good thing, in my view.

Do You Want Them to Just Gather Dust?

This subject came up recently while working with a family; the patriarch mentioned that he didn’t want to have an agreement that just gathered dust.

He was coming at this from the other side, and from there I could understand what he was getting at.

It gave me a chance to clarify this question with them all (in addition to giving me another blog topic).

In short, agreements that gather dust are neither good nor bad in and of themselves, they are good or bad depending on the contexts of what they were designed to do, and whether or not the circumstances ever require the family members to blow the dust off them.

Gathering Dust – BAD Version

Some lawyers note that a majority of the agreements they draft never even get signed, because the parties can never actually agree to all the terms.

So when an unsigned version sits for a while, the chances grow that it will only continue to gather dust because the longer it takes, the less likely it is that the parties will finally agree.

Perhaps these should be considered a work-in-progress and some time should be spent finding ways to modify them so that the parties will agree and sign… but that’s a lot of work!

Gathering Dust – GOOD Version

In contrast, as I explained to the patriarch of that family I mentioned, I firmly believe that the goal should actually be to have agreements in place that do nothing but gather dust.

What’s the key difference in my version?

One of my favourite words that has come into my lexicon since I began working in this area is “co-creation”.

The best family governance is the co-created kind; period, full stop.

But what about when we’re talking about documents drafted by those aforementioned attorneys?

Well, they wrote them, but they wrote them for you, the family.

Making Them Your Own

So you all need to “make them your own”, which means that there’s some work involved by the family members to read and understand what’s written and to agree together on how they will use these documents.

You actually want them to gather dust and never be needed, so you need to figure out how you’re going to work together, with the goal of not ever needing to resort to blowing the dust off of what you paid those lawyers to write.

That takes time and effort, and often some outside help, and it’s all well worth it in the end.

Bring on the dust.

 

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Finding Better Labels for People in FamBiz

 

What You Call People DOES Matter

Like most areas we encounter in our lives, the field of Family Business has a lot of familiar vocabulary attached to it.

Certain terms become common to those who practice their profession or craft in this space, and words and phrases start to take on common meanings among most of those who inhabit this world.

And sometimes people keep on using words long after better, more appropriate terms come along, and an extra effort needs to be made by some industry leaders to help others make important shifts.

There are also a number of terms that get used to describe certain groups of people that we serve, and these “labels” that get attached to people can become particularly ripe for scrutiny, and overdue for some action to move towards better identifying labels.

This is where I’m going this week, please join me in this exploration.

Succession Planning Vs. Continuity Planning

I can’t believe it’s already been 8 years since I wrote Say Goodbye to Succession Planning in which I first mentioned that because of the negative connotations around the term succession planning, forward-thinking advisors were now using the term “continuity planning” in its place.

When you talk about succession planning, the “NowGen” are forced to think about what things should look like after they’re gone, and few of them really relish such conversations.

Continuity planning feels like it focuses more on what needs to stay the same, regardless of who will be actively involved.

It’s a subtle change, but one that seems to resonate better with the people who are being forced to talk about a subject that many would rather delay or avoid.

 

NextGen Vs. Rising Gen

Another change in lingo that I wrote about years ago is the use of the term “rising generation” in place of next generation.

This one feels like it has caught on even better, possibly because much of the impetus for the change came from James E. (Jay) Hughes Jr. himself.

See: The Rising Generation in Family Business

For those unfamiliar with his work, if you are at all interested in this wealth transition world, he has written some classic books and has been one of the thought leaders for the past few decades.

 

Children Vs. Offspring

There’s one big change that I’ve been trying to champion that I hope will also become more mainstream, and that is to get people to stop referring to their children as “children” once they reach adulthood.

As someone recently pointed out to me, “adult children” is an oxy-moron; they are either adults, or they are children.

The problem with using that term is that we end up treating people as little kids long past the point where it’s healthy to do so.

I like the word “offspring” and have been trying to use it every time I speak or write about this. It seems like I’ve increased the tempo too.

I used the search feature on my website and typed in “offspring” and the first 20 hits I got were all from 2021.

I’ve heard parents in their 70’s referring to their offspring in their 40’s as “the kids” and it always makes me shake my head, especially when those “kids” have their own kids!

Heirs and Beneficiaries Vs. Human Capital?

Depending on the profession one comes from, there are also some terms that get used that make me shudder when they’re taken too far.

Those who draw up legal documents use terms like heirs and beneficiaries, and I understand that some of these terms of art are necessary in certain contexts.

But they can often take on a life of their own when those who have those labels ascribed to them are treated as somehow “less than” or somehow undeserving of their good fortune.

I realize that I’m probably going too far for some here, but I would be thrilled if people started to consider the members of their family as human capital, a term that has much more positive connotations.

Slowly but Surely, Change Is Coming

I believe that progress is being made in many of these areas, and that’s a good thing.

What you call people makes a difference.

Now if I could only figure out what to call myself, as I’ve gone from a “family business advisor” to a “family legacy advisor” to a “family legacy guide”.

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The give and take of family coaching, from someone who’s been there

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My “Role / Goal / Control” Life Hack

A Shortcut for “In the Moment” Challenges

Most of what I write about each week focuses on issues on the far end of the spectrum of the “long-term vs short-term” continuum.

I’m referring to the loooooong term, in case that wasn’t clear.

I work in the intergenerational wealth transition space, which typically concentrates on years, decades, and lifetimes, not hours, minutes, and seconds.

However, just as each year contains many hours, each of us runs into challenges on a day-to-day basis, and sometimes a little “life hack” will come in handy.

So this week, for a change, I’m focusing on the other end of the continuum, the very short term.

“Oh Crap! Now What?”

A couple of weeks ago, my daughter was charged with organizing an event over a weekend, which involved a few dozen people coming together, indoors, for an inter-collegiate competition.

It happened to be a curling bonspiel, for the curious.

Thanks to COVID, all of last season had been wiped out, and this was the first tournament of the new season, so there was plenty of uncertainty. 

It was also the first time she’d been in charge of such an event.

When I spoke to her by phone on Friday evening, things were going fine.

Alas, I awoke Saturday to a text from her that read, “Please call me whenever you get the chance, thanks” and the time stamp was 7:09 AM. 

I also noticed that I had missed her recent call, because my ringer was off.

Daughter in Need = Dad as Hero?

If you have very independent young adult offspring like me, you learn to relish any opportunity to feel needed in their lives, so this could be a rare chance to play hero.

I called her right away, got a quick “I’ll call you back in ten”, and my mind went to work, wondering how best to be a “responsive, reliable, resource” to her.

How I would frame all my experience and wisdom for her, I began to contemplate.

  • “What’s your ROLE here?”, I thought, would be a good place to start to help her clarify whatever the challenge was.
  • “What’s your GOAL, in that role?” would be a great next step to help her think through.
  • “What is actually within your CONTROL?”, I considered adding, lest she begin to worry about things over which she had none.

Proud Wise Dad, Ready to Serve!

Well, wouldn’t you know it, when she did call, I never got to share this wisdom, as the issue had already been settled.

One player had a close contact with someone who’d tested positive for COVID, so he needed to declare himself ineligible, and they were able to find a replacement. 

It turned out to be a very wet firecracker for Dad to help her out with.

But wait, I write a blog every week, and am constantly on the lookout for ideas to write about.

Now, how do I turn this into something that affects enterprising families, as I typically do?

The Meta Version!

Well, I imagine that many parents of your adults face similar challenges of how best to be useful to them, without over-functioning and jumping in to fix things for them.

Maybe I could apply this Role/Goal/Control hack to myself and see what happens. 

Here goes…

My role could be summarized as follows: 

  • Resource; thinking partner; coach.

My goal: 

  • Get her to a place where she feels confident that she can handle the situation; without being too directive; so that in the future she will readily reach out to me again

What can I control: 

  • My tone; my positivity; my brief words of encouragement to her.

Wrong Answers Only Version

Role: “Wise Dad” with all the answers.

Goal: Get her to listen to my wisdom.

Control: Well, this is where it falls apart, doesn’t it?

In reality, I’m not the one running this tournament, as much as I want it to be a success, I have no say in anything, and all I can really control is my interaction with her, which will likely only last a couple of minutes.

Take-Away Wisdom

While I wasn’t able to try out my life hack “in the wild”, I still like it and will keep it handy.

I hope others find it useful, especially those of you who over-estimate the sphere of your control.

 

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The “Changing People” Dilemma in Enterprising Families

Both Ways of Doing It Are Tough

It’s not often that I’ll write a blog on a brand new idea that just came to me, but this revelation I had last week was enough to put this subject at the top of my topic list.

I knew I needed to write this after I’d already shared the “A-Ha moment” on a call with someone so soon after the discovery.

The discovery, as I’ve labeled it, was nothing more than a brief phrase I read in a book (or maybe I heard it on an audiobook?).

The phrase, if I’m getting it verbatim, was, 

 

                                                   “Sometimes, 

                                             changing the people 

                                                  is easier than 

                                            changing the people”.

 

Don’t worry if it doesn’t hit you right away, that can be expected. 

The important thing is to eventually get it and understand it, and I promise we’ll get into it, and especially look at it from the lens of people who work with their family members.

Changing People 1: Simple Method – Swap

So I’m making this one “No.1” because based on my understanding of the quote, this is the first option the speaker is alluding to.

The idea of getting rid of certain people and replacing them with new people is an option in many situations. 

The thinking goes that if you can’t change the way you are, then we are going to get rid of you and bring in someone who is a better fit.

Simple enough, on the surface, right?

But what about doing this in a family business, is it really that simple when you are contemplating firing a relative?

Yes, it is done sometimes, and sometimes the family even manages to get through it without too many hard feelings, but it’s always trickier than it would be if the person being changed out wasn’t part of the family.

Changing People 2: Complex Method – Convince

So let’s look at the other way of changing people, which I’ve decided to call “convince”.

I labelled this one “complex” because it can take on all sorts of angles and will vary in how each person who’s trying to convince another will go about the effort.

It’s also likely something that is not a “one shot deal” but much more of a process, involving a number of interactions over a longer period of time.

The other reason I call it complex is because no two people will do it the same way, and even if it “worked” with one person, that doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to make it work the same way with someone else.

When Do You Switch from One to the Other?

If we go back to the quote that’s driving this whole blog, there seems to be an inherent question under the surface, which I get from the first word, “sometimes”.

So, what are those times where you need to switch from convincing someone to swapping them out?

Presumably, you will try to convince first, second, and third, and maybe even a few dozen times, before coming to the conclusion that you need to go to the much more drastic plan of getting rid of someone and bringing in someone new.

Working with family members is great when things are going well, and when they’re not, well, it can really be awful.

Coming to the conclusion that someone absolutely needs to go is quite difficult, but sometimes it’s necessary.

Who Can You Really Truly Control?

Of course trying to convince people to change has its limits, because most people don’t like to be told what to do, and a lot of people resist change to begin with.

If you’re a regular reader you will be familiar with my thoughts on how futile it can be to even try to change others, because the only person we can actually really control is ourselves.

I know that I don’t like it when other people try to tell me I need to do something different or try to make me do something I don’t like doing.

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone here, either.

Sometimes we need to flip it around, look in the mirror, and see what changes we can make in ourselves, and see if we can’t end up with some positive changes in the others around us.

Family systems theory is pretty clear, if you change how you interact with the system, the system will change.

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No Room for Judgement When Working with Families

Coaching and Podcasting Combine for Lessons

Ideas for these blog topics come from anywhere and everywhere for me, and often they just seem to combine thoughts from one part of my life with something from a very different sphere.

And so once again I’ll write about how some seemingly random discussions have come together for me in a way that allows me to share ideas that can be useful to families and those who advise them.

Regular readers will likely be familiar with the fact that I’ve done coach training and certification, that I’m a huge fan of the Purposeful Planning Institute (PPI), and that I have also been on a number of podcasts, on both sides of the mic.

All of these will come together this week in this piece.

Listening Without Judgement Is Where It Begins

Whenever people ask me about the coaching training that I did years ago with CTI, I almost always end up sharing the importance of listening without judgement, because that’s one of the two main takeaways from that whole training. 

(The other is “being with”, for the record.)

Of course knowing that you need to listen without judgement and being able to actually do it does require a LOT of practice, but that’s a whole other post. 

(Perhaps Skills vs. Knowledge in Family Enterprises?)

Being able to listen to someone speak, while suspending your own personal judgement about what you are hearing, is not as easy as it might sound, and for some people it’s almost impossible.

But if you want to be a resource for people who work with their family members, or who own assets together with their siblings, you won’t get far without that ability.

It’s Much More Than Just Listening

At first I really only thought about the listening aspect, but I had a recent A-Ha moment that put this subject back on my radar.

During one of the recent weekly Tuesday Thought Leader webinars hosted by PPI, the guests were Sandi Bragar and Cammie Doder, who co-host a podcast called Money Tales, where they interview guests about the role that money has played in their lives.

Having been one of their guests, I joined this webinar with added interest.

During the webinar, Sandi noted that it was important not to judge people as you interview them, and I naturally thought to myself “yeah, listening without judgement strikes again”, but then it hit me.

They’re interviewing people, so they aren’t only listening, they’re also asking!

Asking Without Judgement

So many of our conversations contain questions and answers, therefore much of the listening we do comes in response to our questions.

As you work with people with the goal of helping them through situations, you need to ask about a lot of subjects. 

If you want to truly understand someone, which is pretty useful when you are trying to make their lives better in some way, it’s kind of important for you to get their true thoughts.

It should not surprise you that I think that what you ask them, and perhaps even more importantly how you ask them, can be pretty important.

Of course as mentioned last week in Yes, AND… Don’t Neglect the Follow-Through there is no magical “secret list of questions”

And even if there were, you need to know how to ask them (without judgement).

Being Curious for All It’s Worth

The good news is that once you realize how key it is to park your judgement at the door, it actually gets easier with practice.

Engaging and flexing your curiosity muscles can also be a big help, and if you truly want to be a trusted resource to a family, you really should be curious about what makes them tick.

Of course simply being curious doesn’t necessarily force you to ask less judgemental questions, it could actually take you even further in the wrong direction if you get too “inquisitive”.

I’m flashing back to when my kids were young and I can hear my son objecting to my dirty look with “What? I was only asking her a question” after an exchange with his sister.

Judgemental Family Members Are the Norm

It’s actually quite normal for the members of a family to judge each other; many have been doing it for decades.

We can’t expect them to change much after getting so much practice.

And that’s an even better reason why we, as the outsider, need to offer them something different.

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Stuck in the Mud? Don’t Wait for “MayDay”

New Perspectives on a Flashback Memory 

In the summer I love being at my cottage, and when here, one of my preferred spots is on my kayak, hoping to spot some bald eagles while paddling around the Chockpish River. 

See: From Upstream to Downstream in the FamBiz

This week I ventured to a part of the river near the first cottage we stayed in here, years ago, and it created a flashback to a memory that part of me prefers to forget.

As I casually related that story to my coach, Melissa, this week, we ended up in some new territory that makes me want to share it here now. 

 

Just a Trip to the Beach

It was a nice day for a trip to the beach, which, depending on the mode of transport, is either a five-minute drive by car, or a twenty-minute paddle by kayak.

So Mom and our daughter were going to drive and my son and I were going to take the scenic route via the water.

I had one “Walkie-Talkie” and my wife had the other, just in case.

“OK, bye, see you there in a few minutes”.  Not so fast…

 

Boat Safety Training Comes in Handy

My wife grew up on a river with power boats, and we’ve taken our share of boating courses, many years ago. One part of the training included using a VHF radio to communicate and to signal distress. 

(The protocols on the water and for aircraft are similar if not identical.)

The Chockpish river is not deep, and in places you can run aground, even in a kayak, but there was another danger lurking beneath the surface.

My preteen son (at the time) got into the small kayak and I pushed mine into deep enough water to get going, and was then going to board (mine is a “sit-on-top” model).

Off we go, except…

 

Did I Tell You About the Moose?

Our neighbour, Doris, had recently recounted a sad story about a moose who “got stuck in the mud, and died” in the river, because she (the moose) couldn’t get out.

That story came to the forefront of my mind, as I too, began to sink into the mud as I tried to board my kayak.

With my son waiting, “patiently”, for us to depart, Dad kept getting in deeper and deeper. This was NOT going as planned.

Did Doris mention that the moose had a heart attack trying to get out? I wasn’t sure anymore.

I was slowly but surely reaching panic mode.

 

Asking for Help, Before It Gets Critical

I remembered the Walkie-Talkie, and I remembered my radio training. We’re all familiar with “MayDay” as a distress call, when it’s a matter of life and death.

Fewer people know that there’s another signal to call out, before things get that far, but I knew it was time to use it.

I turned on the Walkie-Talkie and said “Pan Pan”.

           “Pan Pan, I’m stuck in the mud, and I think I need help”

My wife knew that this was not a joke and that I needed help, and she turned around and came back to help.

The rest of the story is thankfully uneventful, because after seeing her, I calmed down, which helped me stop sinking deeper, and I eventually extricated myself, on my own.

 

Lessons Learned when Stuck in Real Mud

I hope you never get to the point where you’re literally hip deep in the mud, even in shallow water.

  1. Don’t wait until it’s “life and death” before asking for help.
  2. Know how to ask for the right help, and from whom.
  3. Remaining calm will almost always be helpful.
  4. The presence of a helper is beneficial, even if they aren’t the ones who pull you out.

 

Lessons that Families Can Use

  1. Don’t wait until it’s “life and death” before asking for help.
  2. Know how to ask for the right help, and from whom.
  3. Remaining calm will almost always be helpful.
  4. The presence of a helper is beneficial, even if they aren’t the ones who pull you out.

 

Did You See What I Did There?

I probably could have made this point without the repetition, but I wanted it to be “in your face”.

Families get “stuck”, and they know things won’t magically solve themselves.

It’s OK to ask for help, you’ll be glad you did.

 

Invitation:

Send me an email with “Pan Pan” in the subject line, and I’ll offer you two complimentary one-hour coaching sessions.

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Social Capital in the FamBiz World

Social Capital in the FamBiz World

The Human Need for Connection

Sometimes I surprise myself with a blog topic that feels like I’ve written about before, but discover that it’s still virgin territory.  

This is one such post.

Given that most of my coaching sessions with clients is spent on their relationships with other people, usually family members, and that my latest book is specifically about family systems theory, I’m actually a bit shocked that I haven’t yet addressed the subject of “social capital” in my blog.

Maybe it’s just a term whose time has come.

 

My Personal Social Capital “A-Ha”

Last week in An Uplifting Week, at Sea Level, we looked at the recent RendeZoom I had attended with a few hundred colleagues, who I affectionately called “my tribe”.

And even though this annual event was held virtually this year, I still felt very close to many of the people who attended with me.

That whole experience put the idea of “social capital” onto my radar, and yet I wasn’t sure that the term was well understood. 

I mentioned it to my coach, and even she wasn’t sure what I meant when I noted that I felt I had lots of social capital.

Sometimes you find inspiration in unexpected places, and when I searched Shutterstock for an image to accompany this post, entering “social capital” as the search term, I got a nice surprise; clearly I was not the only person who ever considered this term.

A Whole List of Sub-Topics

The image I chose contains a slew of ideas that make it pretty easy to get what I’m driving at: 

                    Belonging, Network, Participation, Trust, 

                    Engagement, Reciprocity, Values-Norms.

I think it’s simple enough to understand how in a large group of professional colleagues, especially in a “horizontal” field where many disciplines are represented, social capital can be important in maximizing what one can get out of being a member.

But where I really want to go with this is into individual families and their social capital, because there’s some good stuff to look at there too.

 

External Social Capital in Enterprising Families

Family business leaders, by virtue of their status and accumulated experience, naturally develop networks of people with whom they interact on a regular basis over the years.

These relationships are often based on trust, and that trust can and should be transitioned from one generation of the family to the next. 

This becomes one of the important assets that a family enterprise has, and smart, proactive families leverage this social capital, which often becomes one of the key advantages that family businesses have.

 

What About WITHIN the Family?

But as much as this social capital, from the family to the outside world, can be something worth cultivating, I want to talk about an often neglected area of “social capital”, namely the relationships within the family itself.

Not every family member is cut out for this role, but this field now has enough research behind it to make it clear that a “family champion” is almost always present in families who manage to keep the family together over a series of generations.

There’s a certain amount of intentional effort that must be given to the roles of engaging the whole family in the constant, long-term pursuit of its longevity as a cohesive unit.

 

Different Leadership Styles Come into Play

When you think about family businesses and their leadership, it’s natural to think about the person at the head of the business.  

The leaders I’m talking about here are different, but at some points in the evolution of the family the roles can both be held by one person.

The “Family Leader” is the one who undertakes the role of connecting with the family members, whether or not they are involved in the operations of the business.

Their concern spans areas like Belonging, Participation, and Engagement, and these leaders are constantly building Trust along the way.

 

Proactive, Intentional Steps, Over and Over

Such family leaders are very much like a “team captain” in sports, often demonstrating quiet leadership as much thanks to “who they are” as to “what they do”.

But what they do, while often hard to describe because there are so many intangibles, is keep the family working together, because they know deep down how important that is for the greater good of everyone.

A family’s legacy is as much about people as it is about assets, after all.  See Is Your Continuity PAL in Danger?

And that’s all about social capital.

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From Concentric to Non-Concentric Circles in FamBiz

A Story about Distributed Leadership

So many family businesses face similar issues, especially when they’re faced with the challenge of moving from the founding generation to “G2”.

The stories are never identical, but the idea of going from one person who loves to control everything, to a group of people working together is something that trips up many families.

And sometimes when the resulting business is very successful and it becomes a very large entity, the problems this creates can become huge too.

A Case Shared with a Peer Group

I’m privileged to belong to a number of peer groups where we talk about cases together, so we can learn from each other and sometimes get ideas when we’re stuck.

This week’s blog is about one such case, or maybe it was two (?)

Well, it was one such episode of sharing, that happened to cover two family business situations, that shared many similarities.

This was a few months ago, so the details aren’t necessarily “fresh”, but since I wouldn’t want to divulge too much, it’s better that way.

Also, the point about the “non-concentric circles” is the one I want to make, so the particular case details aren’t really that germane.

 

Replacing One Dominant Central Leader

The case(s) featured one main founder who had a family of successors, none of whom had anywhere near the potential to succeed their father in all of his success, which isn’t at all uncommon.

As noted, when the success is really rapid (within one adult lifetime) and large (thousands of employees, global presence) it’s almost impossible to expect that any one of the offspring will be able to simply step into the founder’s shoes.

It would likely be a recipe for failure in both the business, and then also the family, if they even tried.

In the case we were presented, that founder was the main leader in all three circles: Business, Family, and Ownership.

See Three Circles + Seven Sectors = One A-Ha Moment (from 7 years ago)

 

Leadership Doesn’t Show Up “Overnight”

The rising generation, who were all adults when Dad passed away suddenly, were all involved somewhere in the businesses, but none of them had the experience or the gravitas to take the helm, or helms, that their father held.

My colleague who presented the case had been involved in getting things on track so that the company would thrive and the family could remain successful in owning the business for the long term.

For the business, there were already lots of qualified non-family leaders in many places, so the business did not suffer much.

The ownership was also pretty clear, in terms of who rightfully owned what percentages of the shares, and it was relatively simple.

How about the family?

The Family Circle: A “Left-Over” Concern?

If you have any experience with family businesses, you’ll likely know that the family is often the last concern, because everybody loves each other and so let’s just concentrate on making money and they’ll all be happy.

I hope readers recognize that much of that last sentence was written in jest.

A better way to put it is that the family is never a problem, until it is.  And then it’s usually a huge problem.

Thankfully this family brought in some top advisors to work with them to make sure that the family problems remained at bay.

 

Many Opportunities for Many Leaders

Over the months and years that the consultants worked with the family, they ended up developing a number of opportunities for a handful of family members to step up into leadership roles.

They formed a family council, and a number of committees emerged from that structure, with different family members assuming key roles.

An “ownership council” was also created, resulting in the rising generation of the family learning how to work together in a variety of new ways.

Whereas their father was at the center of all of these circles during his lifetime, the next generation converted that to a series of different circles, with different people taking leadership roles.

Ultimately, this results in a much more stable structure for the family, the ownership, and the businesses that they own.

Serendipitous Timing

As I’ve noted previously, my social media posting is done by a third party, so I never know the timing of the content that I’ve produced showing up on my feeds.

Last week a post promoting my latest book appeared, reading:

 

The business system likely has strong leaders

For a family to successfully transition its wealth to following generations, the family system needs strong leadership too

 

Good timing!

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Who’s Ready to Get Started? A Key FamBiz Question

Let’s get started, shall we?

I often begin these posts with a preamble, and later on segue into “getting started” with the real meat of the blog.

This week, I thought I’d tee it up differently, because the subject is actually “getting started”.

Although it has likely always been so, it seems that lately the ability to overcome inertia and to get moving has become more salient lately.

Families Are Groups of Individual People

The subhead just above is clearly one of the most obvious statements I’ve ever written, and there’s a reason why I chose to state it here nonetheless.

Too often, whether we’re part of a family or have a family that is our client, we sometimes think of that family as a self-contained unit, or somehow monolithic.

In reality, when you’re trying to make progress as a family or with a family, you quickly realize that not everyone moves at the same speed.

We think and talk about getting people “on the same page” and “going in the same direction”, recognizing that these are worthwhile objectives, and they are.

But even if the people are moving in the same general direction, some want to sprint while others may be stuck in the mud and enjoy it there.

 

So, Who’s Ready to Get Started?

The most important question sometimes becomes “who’s ready”, when attempting to get any family to make important progress together as a group.

For a “family system” to change, one way to accomplish this is for one person to change, thereby “forcing” the others to change along with them to attain a new equilibrium.

This generally requires some leadership on the part of that one person who’s willing to stand up and act in a new way, but if they do make such a stand, and are able to maintain it, change will come.

 

But Didn’t You Just Say….

Let me share a little crisis of confidence I had recently, after deciding that this idea was something I’d blog about.

My social media folks control my content posting and while all the content is mine, I usually have no idea when things are set to show up on my Twitter and LinkedIn feeds.

Now, imagine my thoughts as I prepared to write about “being ready to move” and then this quote shows up on my feeds:

 

“Don’t just do something, stand there. 

If your family is struggling with where 

to go next, allow yourselves the time 

and space to gain clarity before acting”

 

My first reaction was “Ooops.”  

But upon further reflection, I realized that this would not be a case of saying “Hurry up… Take your time…”, even though it somehow felt that way.

 

Where Is Your Family Going?

If the family in question “is struggling with where to go next”, taking the time to figure it out, without rushing, and making sure there’s a clear path that people understand and agree on makes plenty of sense.

The thing is, many families are already pretty clear about where they’re going AND what they need to do to begin the journey, BUT they don’t necessarily feel ready to start.

And that’s where finding someone who IS ready can make a lot of sense.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, as they say, and a family journey often begins with one person saying “I’m ready”.

 

The Slowest Common Denominator Issue

Any family journey or family project of the type I’m speaking about here needs to be something that is “for the family”, meaning the vast majority of the people are involved, and hopefully everyone.

And, unfortunately, if you want to be nice and wait for even the slowest person to get on board, the journey is at risk of never taking place.

You don’t want to have to settle for the “slowest common denominator”.

 

Start Where You Are

I’ve long been a fan of the saying:

 

Start where you are

Use what you’ve got

Do what you can

And I think I have a useful addition to it, for times when you are working with a group of people: Start with whomever is ready.

When working with a family system, keep in mind that a change in one person will eventually effect change in the entire system.

Making improvements needs to begin somewhere, with someone.  Finding the one who’s readiest to start can often be the key.

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