Evolution or Revolution? Your choice…
Having been born into an enterprising family, I’ve always been interested in following their different ways of doing things. You can see some wonderful examples of practices you’d want to use as a model, and others you’d want to avoid at all costs.
I’d like to share a way of thinking about this that came to mind recently.
In any family, over the years and decades, there’s a certain natural evolution. We’re born, our parents take care of us, and eventually we have our own children, and we take care of them.
At the same time, our parents get older, and they benefit from having had children, who become a resource for them when they need help. The children end up taking care of the parents.
I hope my children will be there, available and motivated to help me when I need it.
You could describe this situation as an evolution. Family members each go through all the phases of life, in a fairly predictable way, in most cases.
But now, let’s stop talking about families in general and focus on enterprising families. There are many differences between these families and so-called “normal” families, but we’re going to focus on one characteristic in particular.
I don’t presume that all families led by a very successful entrepreneur are the same, since there are many exceptions to the rule.
But all too often, entrepreneurs who have built their business, and thereby their fortune, have a great deal of difficulty making way for those who follow.
That’s not too surprising, though. They made a success of their lives by fighting every day, very often against people who doubted them and told them they wouldn’t succeed. Despite those obstacles, they survived anyway, and even triumphed!
Eventually they reach 65, 70, 75, 80, and everyone starts questioning them about their future, without really hiding their opinions, which lean toward the idea of slowing down, passing the torch, playing golf, and travelling.
These people have spent their lives proving wrong those who questioned them; why would they change now?
The biggest problem comes back to the subject we were discussing earlier: evolution. We saw that evolution was rather natural.
But when you try too hard to fight natural evolution, something else happens. I call it Revolution.
While the entrepreneur reaches 65, 70, 75, etc., what’s happening with their children? They reach 35, 40, 45, 50, etc., but the place they expected to take still hasn’t been freed up. At first, they’re patient, thinking that “D-Day” will no doubt come soon.
Unfortunately for them, they may well wait much longer than they’d hoped, which sows the seeds of revolution.
There’s no miracle solution to this phenomenon, but I’d like to give you a little hope.
First, know that in the vast majority of families, parents die before their children, so nature is always on your side, if you’re among those starting to lose patience.
But all joking aside, I have a few tips that may be useful to you.
Usually, confrontation doesn’t work very well, but neither does silence. Conversations that are open, honest, and put the cards on the table are a must. But when you push too hard, too fast, you risk provoking resistance.
Respect and patience are also important. Some say that those who don’t want to leave are afraid of losing their identity and their reason for being. Help them overcome these challenges, reassure them in every way possible, but be prepared to face objections all along the way.
These options are preferable to revolution, but sometimes the threat of a revolution is still necessary. But before getting there, maybe think about bringing in an outside person to facilitate the discussions. You surely know at least one.
