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How I Talk About My Work
Not a day goes by where I don’t have at least one or two conversations about the kind of work I do.
I don’t know if people who have more “regular jobs”, like teachers, cops, or accountants, spend as much time sharing details and examples of the work that they do.
But for me, because I work with families, all of whom either own a business together or share ownership of significant assets, there’s often a good deal of intrigue about what it’s like and what this work is all about.
In most cases, one of the elements that precipitates my being called in has something to do with an intergenerational transition, either in the future or the past, or some combination thereof.
Because I speak to many people about all this, from prospects to clients to colleagues and others, I get to “workshop” different ways to talk about my chosen career.
Once I get comfortable with some phrasing that seems to resonate when I speak to people, I like to share more in writing here.
The Conversations They Know They Should Be Having
What I usually mention first is that there are conversations that the families I support need to have, in order to make sure that everything is clear and that family harmony is preserved.
These conversations are typically about subjects that family leaders already know they should be having; I’ve never mentioned that “you should talk about this as a family” and had a reply like, “Really, I never thought about that”. They all know.
But if they know that they should be talking about these things, then why aren’t they doing it already?
Well, there are a few reasons, namely that they’re difficult conversations, most people don’t know how to start these discussions, and they’re scared that things will go wrong.
These are all valid reasons that explain why most families prefer to “kick the can down the road”, and maybe do this next week, next month, or next year.
Left to Themselves, Most Families Won’t Go There
When people know that they should be doing something but can’t seem to get started on their own, they can simply give up.
Eventually, though, what often happens is that things change for the worse, and then the necessity of having these conversations actually goes up, and waiting too long has even bigger negative consequences.
This often has them searching for help, but so many of them don’t know where to turn.
Thankfully, the ecosystem in which I work, supporting enterprising families, continues to grow and become better known.
What most of these families really need to get started is someone to facilitate these discussions for the family.
Facilitation: From “Facile”, i.e. French for “Easy”
Regular readers know that as a lifelong Montrealer, I’m bilingual, having learned French as a child, and I continue to speak it every day.
The words “facilitate” and “facilitator” have, as a root word, “facile”, which anyone who knows a moderate amount of French knows means “easy”.
And that’s exactly what the role of a facilitator is, to make things easier.
Difficult conversations are hard to start, because there’s always a fear that things will degenerate quickly and go off the rails.
A good facilitator knows how to lead such conversations, by building trust with all participants in advance, and doesn’t get scared when the temperature in the room starts to rise.
Age, Experience, Training, Demeanor
A number of factors usually to come together to make someone successful in this work.
Some of the tops ones that come to mind are age, experience, training, and demeanor.
Older people are typically better at this than younger ones, because they can hopefully command more respect from everyone involved.
Those who have lived experience in some of the matters that the families they serve are currently facing will generally be better able to deal with things in a more practical way too.
While many of the qualities come more naturally to some than to others, the amount of training that people have in the specific areas of facilitation, coaching and mediation techniques is also quite relevant.
All of these boil down to one’s demeanor and comfort level dealing with families in situations that can be very emotional.
Important conversations can be difficult, but having a good facilitator along to guide the process always helps.
