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A Couple of Multipurpose Metaphors
Whenever I consider blog topics to write about here, the ease with which I see opportunities to slide in a metaphor or two is right up there.
Working with families who are trying to get out ahead of the challenges of transitioning their wealth or business to the next generation, there are always plenty of subjects I can write about.
After over a decade of sharing my thoughts here each week, I’m sometimes surprised to discover that some truly fresh ideas continue to come forth.
This week we’re going to look at a couple of thoughts that flashed through my mind recently, and try to take away some memorable lessons.
Good Old Mainstays: Sun and Fire
Metaphors come in all shapes and sizes, but I guess that sun and fire are among the more useful starting points.
Both provide heat and light, and trying to make sure you get the amounts of each right can be tricky.
Not enough light can be a problem, but so can too much, and the same goes for heat.
And trying to control the sun or fire each come with their own challenges.
But wait, isn’t this supposed to be about families?
Indeed, so let’s go there now that my setup is complete.
How to Get More of One, without Too Much of the Other
The ways in which I describe the work I do continue to evolve, and lately I typically mention the importance of families having the important conversations they know that they need to be having.
Many of these discussions continue to be delayed and avoided because they can be fraught with anxiety, lest something not go well.
It is very common for most family members to be in the dark about both the planning that their parents have done, and are also still considering.
Turning up the light, so as to show more family members what’s in the works for the future makes lots of sense here.
The trick is to increase the light, without turning up the heat.
The biggest factor that inhibits these conversations is the fear that someone will feel like they’re getting burned.
Smokey the Bear to the Rescue
Now that I’ve set up my whole premise, we’re getting to the hard part of writing this missive.
The underlying reason for my sharing here is to inform and entertain, and also present myself as a potential resource to families doing this work.
Thankfully Smokey the Bear just popped into my head as I searched for a way to extend the metaphor towards a solution.
Fire is important but also has the power to be quite destructive, and the world has seen more than its share of wildfires recently.
When I work with a family, a major goal of mine is everyone’s psychological safety, making everyone feel safe around a small campfire, while making sure that the potential for things to get out of control is minimized or eliminated.
Adding Light Slowly, without Heat
It’s relatively easy to see how too much heat can be dangerous, but the same can apply when families attempt to “rip off the Band-Aid” and share everything in one shot.
I wrote about this back in 2017, in The Dimmer Switch Vs. On/Off.
I get the reasoning behind this, but it remains a very common way that families think about sharing financial information with their rising generation.
So often they have been concealing everything for so long, that once they decide this can’t be sustained, they feel like they need to go “all in” and share everything in one meeting.
Here the metaphor is people in a pitch dark room, and then switching on powerful floodlights all at once.
This can be very disorienting, and can inflict serious damage, leaving scars as deep as those from too much heat.
Holding the Safe Space for All
I noted earlier that families often postpone important discussions because they aren’t sure they know how to have them well.
The good news is that when families bring in a skilled facilitator to help them get started, they can learn how to be with each other in ways that honor everyone’s safety and desire to share their input.
A space that’s safely held for all participants is key to the family being able to co-create their future together.
Finding the balance of enough light without too much heat is the key.
