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Reminder to Occasionally Reflect on What’s Important
In this week’s missive I want to go to a place that I probably don’t venture to often enough, maybe because it’s a bit deep for many of us.
We’ll be looking at some very basic human needs here, as hinted at in the title.
We all work towards getting what we want, but that changes as we go through life, and many of us have a tendency to keep making efforts in the same old direction, even when what we want has imperceptibly changed.
So if you’re game for something that may force you into reflection mode, let’s proceed.
I know that writing this will push me into some areas of discomfort too, so we can do this together!
Dusting Off an Old, Odd Inspiration
Regular readers know that I use an email folder titled “Blog Ideas” to keep track of and store various inspirations that hit me from all over as I go through my days.
This week I’m dusting one off that’s been there a while, with “Baby Reindeer” in the subject line, of all things.
That’s a reference to a Netflix TV series from early 2024, that caught fire in the pop culture world back then.
I’ll spare you the gory details, but during the final episode, I actually paused the video to write down a verbatm quote from the main character:
“There’s nothing like getting everything you
want in life to realize it’s not for you.”
Hmmm, there’s a lot to unpack there, and many of the people I deal with in enterprising families could stand to reflect on this too.
Back to Me Versus We Again
In the family enterprise context, this realization can be very striking, because as a family leader from the “NowGen” progresses through life, considerations about their “NextGen” invariably begin to rise into consciousness.
We’re back in the world of “Me vs. We” again. See: From “Me to We” and from “Mine to Ours”
That quote above can be looked at in many ways, of course.
In the context of the TV series, it was the character’s realization that what he thought he wanted at the outset wasn’t actually resonating with him anymore now that he’d met that goal.
This happens to me all the time; I think of something I really want and then either work towards it or purchase it, and eventually realize that it isn’t giving me what I was hoping for.
In families this plays out in various ways too, so let’s look at some of those.
“I’m Doing All of This for You”
We’ve all seen some version of “I’m doing this for all of you”, whereby someone (who usually goes by the name “Dad”) exclaims that they’re working very hard for everyone else’s benefit.
This altruistic view of one’s efforts often fills a need for someone to be seen as unselfish, even though those who are ostensibly on the receiving end of those efforts may be shrugging their shoulders and thinking “I didn’t ask for this!”.
These situations are all about efforts that are being made for reasons that end up being less than well thought out.
If you don’t stop to reflect, and hopefully discuss things with other family members, you can end up wasting a lot of effort.
What Am I Even Doing Here?
Another common family enterprise scenario where efforts occur only to be called into question years later involves NextGen family members who take on roles with unrealistic expectations.
Often they hope for a quick path to the top, only to realize that the top spot is occupied by someone who isn’t in a hurry to give it up.
Other times, they come to realize that the parts they expected to be fun and glamourous end up being neither.
Those who begin to reflect on this sooner rather than later come out ahead in such cases.
Getting Out of your Own Head
While I set out in this post to try to encourage more self-reflection, it strikes me that in a family business context, actually getting outside of one’s own head is even more important.
Having conversations with other family members, whether they are directly affected or even only indirectly, seems like a no-brainer.
But too often, strong-willed people don’t trust anyone else more than themselves, and they continue to pursue paths that aren’t actually leading to a useful place.
Periodically stopping to reflect, and discuss, is always a good idea.
