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What Are We FOR as a Family

What Are We FOR as a Family

Let’s Point in the Right Direction

It can often be way too easy to concentrate on things we don’t want, and some personality types are really good at finding fault and complaining.

While strictly speaking the negative and positive are simply two different sides of the same coin, I find that accentuating the positive can make a huge difference. 

This is true with individuals, but especially with groups of people.

Families who are trying to find ways to continue to work together over the long haul, i.e. into the next generation (and beyond) would do well to heed this advice.

 

Reframing to the Positive Angle 

Of course it’s fine to talk about what we don’t want, for a time, because sometimes that’s actually much more clear.

Eventually, as you work with someone who is looking to grow, improve, or change in some way, you need to focus on what they do want, and what they need to do to get that.

And as I mentioned, with a group, this takes on an even more important role.

Negativity can be contagious, and if a group of people are supposed to be working towards a common goal, one nay-sayer can quickly enroll others and creating positive momentum will become more of a challenge.

 

Start with One Person

The good news here is that it really can all start with one person.  

A family’s values or vision begins by asking each person to share their own values and vision, and then working with the group to try to shape some consensus on common vision and values that they can all agree on and get behind.

When things bog down, either in such exercises or other scenarios involving a family working towards some common goal, the way through is typically achieved when someone feels strongly enough to verbalize some strong feelings.

The leadership that such a family must exhibit almost always channels some positive view of what they see FOR the family, as opposed to what they don’t want.

 

Look for Exponential Magic

That leader can be the spark that the family needs to make progress. But, one person can only get so far all alone.

As I detailed in The Exponential Magic of Family Collaboration, if that person can find another family member to see the light, they can really begin to make progress. 

And once they enroll a third, they can start to roll forward with some momentum.

Not that any of this necessarily moves quickly, but there is usually a certain natural progression involved.

 

Important Support Along the Way Too

Because this can be a frustrating and lonely time for that family leader, sometimes called the “Family Champion” (but typically only in retrospect), it can be important for that person to have some outside support.

As I wrote about a few months ago in Coaching for Current & Future Family Leaders, coaching is really made for situations like these.

Furthermore, coaching is also made for times like these, and by that I mean during a pandemic where so many things are up for discussion and the future is as uncertain as it’s been in a long time.

Coaching Only One Family Member Works Too

One of the things I’ve recently noticed, since doing my coaching certification last year, is that a coach can help a family make a lot of progress, without ever meeting them.

Okay, so as I re-read that sentence, I realized that it can actually be taken in a couple of different ways, so let me unpack it a bit.

What I set out to say was that by working with only one person from a family, a coach can increase the effectiveness of that family leader to effectuate change and make progress with the rest of the family system.

The second way one could take that previous sentence is to note that a coach can work with a client without ever meeting them in person. 

Indeed, I have several clients I’ve never been in the same room with.

 

What Am I FOR, What Are We FOR

Circling back to the topic of the week, the coach will concentrate on supporting the clients as they work towards getting their family aligned towards things that they can all be FOR.

That family leader will already usually have some ideas of what they are FOR, individually, and with their coach they can then work on ways of strengthening the family relationships so as to get the family ready to embark on the journey as well.

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Musings on Collaborating for a Win-Win-Win

No Single Advisor Can Do It All

Thinking back to when I had my calling to this work with families, one of the first realizations I had was just how complex such work can be.

A family enterprise has lots of moving parts, especially as the family approaches an upcoming transition from one generation to the next.

Between the amount of wealth involved and the complexity of the family’s situation, there are important considerations that ultimately require the support and advice of a number of outside specialists who serve the family.

Getting these expert professionals to work together makes so much sense, at least in theory, so that the family client can get the best results.

 

The Theory Versus the Real World

Of course just because something makes perfect sense in theory, that doesn’t mean that it will work simply in the real world.

Thankfully, those who designed the FEA Program where I had that calling already knew about this “real world” challenge, and had purposefully included a team project into the curriculum.

For example, my project team included an insurance specialist, a CPA, a private banker, and me, who at the time was someone still trying to find his place in this field. 

I played the role of facilitator, and still very much enjoy that role today.

In fact, as my team came to learn, that role of coordinator and facilitator often turns out to me way more important than the other professionals ever imagined.

 

Many Challenges and Obstacles Remain

Such facilitators have a key role to play in how the actual collaboration will play out with the family. 

To many of the tactical specialists, we are often an “afterthought” because they haven’t necessarily been used to dealing with an entire family.

So many professionals have been accustomed to serving families more in theory than in practice, because they typically deal with only the head of the family or perhaps a couple.

Opening up the service offering to the entire family, which means at least two generations, means that there are many new considerations.

This poses certain challenges that can often be seen as more trouble than they are worth.

Rest assured though, that from the perspective of the family members from the rising generation, this difference is well worth the efforts in the end.

One Direction Only?

While the idea of collaboration is gaining wider acceptance and more advisors grasp the importance of working together, there is still much work to be done.

In fact, there seems to be a sort of “divide” that exists between the folks like me who specialize in the “family circle” and those whose practice involves the “business circle” and the “ownership circle”.

See: Three Circles + Seven Sectors = One A-Ha Moment (I’m referencing another blog from 2013, two weeks in a row!)

Whenever I have a client who needs something taken care of in those other circles, I always happily help them find the right resources and advisors so that they can be well served. 

Everyone else I know who works the family circle does the same.

There seems to be a general reluctance for those who specialize in the other two circles to return the favour.  Or maybe it’s just me.

 

Varying Degrees of Complexity Exist

Of course we aren’t talking rocket science here, and relatively simple family situations can obviously be handled by many advisors without the need to reach out for another person.

However, those whose entire career has been built on expertise in a particular domain aren’t expected to be adept and comfortable beyond a basic level of complexity and family conflict.

This is precisely where bringing in someone who has trained for this work make sense.

 

“Plays Well with Others”

Some professionals hesitate to bring in another advisor for fear of “losing the client”.

I can say with certainty that nobody is looking to “steal” your client. 

As children, we all got comments from our teachers that noted how we “play well with others”, and we get that the client family’s needs are what matter most.

 

What Do I Mean by “Win-Win-Win”?

And in case it isn’t clear what I mean with my “Triple Win”, the first one is the client family and the second is the advisor with the wisdom and courage to bring in another resource to deal with the family circle.

The third and final win is for that family circle expert who helps tie it all together.

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Legacy Families Rely on a “Generative Alliance”

More Metaphors and Vocabulary Discussions

Just how should we refer to the type of families we work with as advisors who toil in the intergenerational wealth space? 

There’s no shortage of monikers, from “UHNW” and “Business-Owning” which I really don’t like, to “Enterprising” and “Intergenerational” that are a bit better.

My latest preference is to refer to them as “Legacy Families”, because they’ve arrived at the point where the combination of their longevity and their accumulated wealth make the family’s legacy rise to the forefront of their concerns.

 

Distinguishing Features

Of course many of the families we deal with haven’t yet achieved true “legacy status”, and that’s OK too, since the intention to get there is often a key driving force to do the work necessary to get there.

I mentioned longevity, and typically we’re looking at a few generations, meaning that the family and the wealth have remained together through at least one generational transition, and hopefully more.

Dennis Jaffe, noted researcher and advisor to such families and a leader in this field, has set his research cut-off at 100 years or more and often uses the term “generative families”.

I’ve known Dennis for a few years and he’s easily the person I’ve heard speak most often on subjects relating to the successful transition of wealth within families.

 

Borrowed from your Grandchildren

His latest book is called Borrowed from your Grandchildren, the title of which makes one quickly realize the recommended attitude that’s necessary in such families: to become proper stewards of their assets for the generations that will follow.

I interviewed Dennis for the Let’s Talk Family Enterprise podcast and have recommended his book to my own clients.

The idea for this blog comes from another podcast interview I heard where he mentioned the three major groups that are always present in his study of one hundred, 100-Year families.

Jaffe calls them the “generative alliance”, but I’ve dubbed them the “generative trinity” because they evoke the “holy trinity”, even though I typically keep my posts religion-free.

 

The Father, the Son, and…..

For the uninitiated, the holy trinity is “the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit”, and considering that Jaffe’s three groups include the “current leading generation of the family” (Father) and also the “rising generation of the family” (Son), the trinity idea feels pretty apt.

You may be wondering who gets to play the role of the Holy Spirit in this metaphor. I hope your curiosity has been piqued, since that’s where we’ll now turn our attention.

Non-Family Employees, Advisors, and Board Members

The third key group of people happens to include a host of non-family professionals, both inside and outside the family’s operating businesses.

We’re talking about key employees who are not family, independent Board members of family companies, family office executives, and of course all manner of outside professional advisors who work with the family over the long term.

Jaffe points out the importance of all of these non-family people in the successful intergenerational transition of the wealth owned by such families, because he continually saw this group of people playing key roles in the hundred successful families in his study.

 

Outside the Family System, and Bridging Both Groups

When a family business starts out, there’s often some insularity and thinking that outsiders can’t be trusted, cost too much, or that they don’t “get us” enough to be valuable resources.

Families who remain steadfast to that position and can’t get past it are often doomed to limit their success to the human capital of the family, to their own detriment.

While the benefits of outsiders are numerous and varied, one of the areas where their potential input is often overlooked is in acting as a bridge between the current “NowGen” of the family who are leading things today, and the rising “NextGen” family members who are expected to lead in the future.

 

Independence and Interdependence

Such outsiders to the family are not part of the “family system”, giving them an independent and less biased view of the family members, not clouded by family dynamics.

While that independence is important, these people also often have plenty of interdependence with the two groups, in that their own livelihoods can be intricately linked to the success of the family.

Non-family professionals play a key role in intergenerational success of legacy families that should not be overlooked, nor taken lightly, especially when they work together.

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Complexity Doesn’t Need to Be Complicated

Subtle Differences Can Be Huge

Some subjects are complex by their very nature. 

For example, when you take a business that already has its own complexities and overlay a family system, the overall complexity necessarily increases.

But does that mean that everything also needs to be complicated?

Regular readers will recognize that I’ve re-entered the fun world of discussing vocabulary, and looking at the meanings of similar words, to see what we can discern from their subtle differences.

The world of family business, along with all its variations like “enterprising families”, “families in business”, “dynastic families”, “legacy families”, (I could go on) is complex enough already, simply by virtue of all the interdependent relationships they contain.

So how do you make sure things don’t get too complicated?

 

Complexity Without Complications?

Please recall that these are top of mind thoughts in a blog, not scientific research in a thesis. Thanks. Here goes.

Complexity is used to describe things that happen automatically or naturally, while complications are man-made and result from a person or people intervening for some reason.

So if the complexity that comes from family members working together in a business, or owning assets together, or managing property as a group, is innate or natural, then there isn’t anything we can do about that.

We need to come to the realisation that things are complex and learn to live with that reality, and deal with it accordingly.

 

What Can We Control?

Yes, things could be simpler, i.e. less complex, if we weren’t in a situation where we were managing the family relationships along with the business/financial/ownership responsibilities. 

Many families eventually get to a stage where this becomes too big of a burden and then decide to separate who owns what or how things are managed, because the complexity outweighs the benefits.

Those situations are especially unfortunate when that result comes from the fact that the people involved were simply unable to avoid some of the complications that they somehow added to the situation.

 

Man-Made Complications

My “A-Ha” moment as I considered how to write about these two words came when I realized, while in the shower, that complexity is a reality that we need to accept and live with, while complications are things that we can and should work to minimize.

By my logic here, you can’t even truly simplify complexity, since it “is what it is”.

What we can do is to try to make sense of the inherent complexity of a situation by using models to map out what’s going on, so that everyone can get a better understanding of what the complex systems are, and how they’re inter-related.

Tagiuri and Davis’s Three Circle Model does this extremely well, and has been successfully used for this for over 40 years now. 

See Three Circles + Seven Sectors = One A-Ha Moment

The Law of Unintended Consequences

Families who’ve managed to stay together through the complexity inherent in co-owning assets together over generations have succeeded because they managed to keep things as simple as possible, since they’re already complex enough.

See Stopping the Disintegration of Family Wealth

Those who cannot manage to keep the wealth of the family together often fail because someone introduced some extra complicating factors into the situation.

Ironically, this is often done with the best of intentions by someone, but thanks to the law of unintended consequences, these moves sow the seeds of the family’s ultimate demise.

 

Two Main Instigators Come Up

One of the ways the complications show up is when one family member has what I playfully refer to as a “superiority complex”.

You know the type, I’m sure. They feel like they have earned or simply deserve an outsized portion of the wealth or their say over it. 

This can lead to actions designed to allow them to benefit from this, and when other family members react negatively, things go south in a hurry.

The situation was already complex enough, but now it’s too complicated.

The other major way to overcomplicate things is to focus way too much time and effort on the financial wealth, at the expense of the human, intellectual, and social capital of the family.

Well-meaning professionals propose complicated structures designed to minimize taxes and/or limit people’s control over things, and the additional complications this introduces is enough to kibosh everything within a few years.

Enterprising families are already complex enough. Don’t make things even more complicated.

 

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On Patience and Impatience in Family Transitions

Both Are Needed, But Not in the Same Places

So many issues that families face in transitioning their wealth from one generation to the next come down to questions around timing.

You’ve got people from different generations, so you automatically have different realities relating to their current life cycles, which naturally make them feel certain urgencies that others might not appreciate.

Somehow things often go better after everyone has had a chance to share their viewpoints in ways that others can suddenly understand, but that doesn’t happen often enough, so let’s talk about that here.

 

The Bigger Picture: An Upstream View

Most of my blogs are “evergreen”, meaning that they can be consumed at any point in time, because they don’t depend on current events or seasons.

I’ve diverged a bit this year, thanks to the pandemic that had me refocusing topics this past Spring, and lately there’s been lots of focus on my summer weeks at my cottage.

One advantage to a nine-hour drive to my cottage is the time it affords me to listen to audiobooks, which are my favourite way to make the drive productive and enlightening.

On my last drive there, I listened to Upstream, The Quest to Solve Problems Before They Happen, by Dan Heath.

It was great and I recommend it, because it actually gives some great perspective on Systems Theory, and an appreciation for how important it is to look at how things are connected.

 

The Time Element in Systems Theory

If this is feeling a bit like a déjà vu it might be because I wrote From Upstream to Downstream in the FamBiz a couple of months back, and there are only so many “stream” blogs one can write.

That blog concluded with my suggestion to get moving early on eventual transitions, and that segues nicely with this week’s message.

Towards the end of Upstream, Heath has a great line about where to be patient, and where to be impatient, which bring us right back to our timing issues.

He tells us to be:

 

       Patient for Outcomes, and Impatient for Actions

 

If you’re like me, you’ll want to pause the recording for a minute and make sure you got all of that.

Pre-Digested Wisdom

Well, this isn’t a recording, it’s a blog, so you don’t have to stop listening, rewind, grab a pen, and make sure you got it all, because I already did that work for you.

Plus, now I’m going to spell out the key take-away, which I’ll gladly do because Heath, who’s written and sold quite a few more books than I have, is saying something really important, and it also happens to fit right along with stuff I’ve been saying too.

Here’s the simplest reworking of this advice into my own words:

     “Hurry up and get started, but don’t be in a hurry to finish”

I’m reminded of a blog I wrote a couple of years ago, There Is No Destination, which was inspired by a quote I had recently read, “There is no destination, it’s ALL journey”.

 

Being Impatient for Actions

Procrastination is probably the biggest enemy of successful wealth transitions in families. Put simply, people wait too long to begin the work.

It’s funny because work itself is not usually something that families who’ve been successful in building a business are “allergic” to; they’ve typically got a strong work ethic, which is how they got to the point where they’ve accumulated enough wealth to make a difference in the lives of all family members.

I’ve stated this plenty of times, going back to my first book in 2014, SHIFT your Family Business, in which the word SHIFT is an acronym, where the “S” stands for Start!

It’s impossible to start too early.

 

Being Patient for Outcomes

Transitioning wealth is not an event, it’s a process.  And while some processes are better to rush through, this is one that is better when it takes longer.

The two (or three) generations need to take their time and incrementally move decisions and actions from the NowGen to the NextGen.

When you’ve started early, you give yourself time to change course, slow down as needed, and be flexible, (the F in SHIFT) without having to start from scratch.

 

Adjusting your Timing and Re-Calibrating

This is truly a process with no real end, because even after the elders have left this earth, their wisdom will remain, to be passed to successive generations.

And we should never be in hurry to finish that job.

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Challenging the Defiant Ones

Wordplay Rears Its Head Once More

Regular readers will recognize my penchant for engaging in interesting wordplay in this space whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Thanks for indulging me once again.

There’ll even be a “sidebar” bonus, because last week I didn’t have space to include another tidbit that fits into this category, and I hate to let a juicy bit of trivia slip by. 

 

A Client’s Defiant Daughter

This one begins with a coaching client of mine who was sharing a personal story with me (as clients typically do) about his daughter.

The young woman was being defiant, and they each stood their ground.  I’ll spare you the details of what happened for privacy reasons and since it’s still a work in progress (what isn’t?).

Let’s just say that her defiance became a focus of our discussion together.

It was funny because during our previous call, before a bit of a summer break, he was pleased with some of the progress he’d been making in his relationship with her.

I’d even given him some ideas around allowing her to choose the ways that she participated in certain family projects, rather than having Dad point her in the directions he preferred.

 

Playing the Translation Game

Neither of us actually used the word “defiant”, but it was certainly an adjective that could have applied to what he was relaying to me.

A few days later, when the word defiant came up, during a meditation recording of all places, a bell rang in my head (I mean a proverbial bell here, not the one that ended the meditation).

I thought of the noun, “defy” and a close and related French word, “défi”.

The English translation of the word “défi”, is challenge.

Ding, ding, ding.

 

If the Defiant One Challenges You….

So how should you react when a defiant one challenges you?

Inspired by “fighting fire with fire”, my conclusion is to challenge them back.

It isn’t even that far off from where I had him exploring with her a while back, letting her choose her own way to be involved.

Maybe all we need to add is a bit of a challenge to it, to encourage her to not only make it her own, but to really make the most of it and outdo herself.

 

Translation Sidebar

Last week, in Stuck in the Mud? Don’t Wait for “MayDay”, it pained me to not have space to include some more “bilingual trivia”.

Did you know that “MayDay” actually comes from the French “M’aider” (roughly “help me”)?

Likewise, the term “Pan Pan” that was also featured last week, also comes from the French “panne”, which is roughly a “breakdown” for example regarding one’s car (“mon auto est en panne”).

Hats off to any creatives who thought the “pan” in Pan Pan was about being in the pan just before going into the fire of “MayDay”. 

End sidebar.

What Do the Defiant Want?

Let’s get back to the matter at hand, i.e. finding appropriate ways to handle family members who are defiant.

First off, it may be worth taking a moment to think back to how we might have handled situations when we were their age.

This spring when many people had young adults return home unexpectedly, many of us got to live a situation that had both positives and negatives.

When my wife was less than thrilled with the reactions of our two homebound college students, I quickly reminded her that if I had been forced back home at their age, I might be a bit churlish too.

 

I’m Impressed. Please Continue.

I’ve shared with anyone who will listen how impressed I am with today’s young people. I’m hopeful for the future of our world, largely because I have faith in our young people to do a better job than those who are running things now.

For those of you who agree, and who are lucky enough to have young adults in your family, I think you should share that feeling with them.

“I’m Impressed” is something most people enjoy hearing.

“Please continue” to impress me, might just be the kind of challenge that will keep them moving forward.

It seems like something worth trying, and is clearly a Win-Win.

And it sure beats trying to deal with constant defiance.

There’s energy in defiance, and if you can harness it like a martial artist, maybe you can even make it work for you.

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Great Expectations in Enterprising Families

Great Expectations in Enterprising Families

Writing this blog every week means I’m constantly on the lookout for interesting viewpoints to expound upon in this space.

I usually collect ideas and set them aside for a time, and while they germinate in my head (and in an email folder) sometimes a new slant comes up and allows me to almost kill two birds with one stone.

So it is this week, with a look at how important expectations can be in a family that’s in a position to transition significant wealth to the next generation.

 

PPI Strikes Again

I lost count a long time ago as to how many of my posts have been inspired by my participation in events and webinars put on by the Purposeful Planning Institute (PPI).

So once again in early July the thought leader guests (Coaches Mimi Ramsey and Stephanie Hardwick) did not disappoint when they brought up “expectations”.

The money quote, which I hesitate to qualify as a quote since I’m not sure I got it verbatim, was that “unmet expectations are the biggest source of conflict”.

Wow, so true.  Can you think of anything that causes more; I can’t.

 

Family Enterprises Are Rife with Examples

Anyone who works with business families is familiar with the common refrain that they need to work on improving their communication, and that’s certainly true in almost all cases.

What they neglect to point out is that very often some of the most glaring gaps in their communication are around the very subject of expectations of one another.

A related idea that fits right into this topic is that loaded word, “assumptions”; i.e. everyone makes their own assumptions about how things are, and what’s expected, without ever checking to see if other people view things the same way.

Expectations are typically somewhere high up on the list.

Great Expectations in Enterprising Families

When a New Slant is Actually an Old Slant

I noted off the top that I love it when a subject comes up from two different angles, allowing me to tie them together in one blog.

The part I just related, about unmet expectations and conflict, was quite recent, but the other angle has been simmering in the back of my mind for quite a while.

This piece is a bit more involved, and it also comes from someone I first met thanks to PPI, none other than David York.

If his name sounds familiar, it may be because I’ve mentioned him before, including two whole blogs, each devoted entirely to one of his nuggets of wisdom. See Doing Better than the 4 D’s and Family Wealth Dynamite: One Stick or Two? I’m clearly a big fan.

 

Three Key Questions for Building Stewardship

Wanting to make sure I got York’s three questions exactly right, to quote them here, as they are so simple and so fundamental, I looked through my accumulation of various slide decks from presentations and happily hit the jackpot when I found that one particular slide, which read:

 

                                    Six Keys for Creating Stewards: 

5. Remove the Ambiguity

                                         – What can I expect?

                                         – What should I not expect?

                                         – What is expected of me?

 

Rising Generation Family Members Want Clarity

I think that anyone who puts themselves in the shoes of a person growing up in an enterprising family, or a family of wealth, can agree that having clear answers to these questions would go a long way towards giving them clarity on some pretty fundamental topics that will affect their lives in so many ways.

When parents do not communicate the answers to these questions, they leave their children in a position where they each begin to make their own assumptions as to what the expectations are.

As you might imagine, the various assumptions will often be quite different from what the parents are expecting, leading to unmet expectations, which invariably lead to: conflict.

 

Turning Expectations into Agreement

Back to the coaches on the PPI call I began with; they noted that what families should aim for is turning expectations into agreement.

In order to do that, like York says, you need to have conversations to clarify what those expectations are, and, as he notes, what they are not.

And let’s not forget York’s last point, about what the parents expect of their offspring.

None of these things are automatically known, they need to be discussed, and these conversations are not always easy to have, nor obvious to start.

They cannot be ignored forever, and a coach can help you.

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An Uplifting Week, at Sea Level

Every summer since 2014 around this time, I get to write one of my favourite and yet most difficult blog posts.

That’s because in late July every year, the Purposeful Planning Institute holds it annual conference, called Rendez Vous.

As you probably guessed, there was no “in person” version this year, so instead, I’m now coming down off the high of “RendeZoom”!

The experience was different, of course, as I didn’t have to fly to Denver this time, and instead got to enjoy it from my cottage near the Northumberland Strait in New Brunswick.

 

So Much Great Content

What makes this particular blog so hard to write is that there’s just WAY too much great content that I want to share, and even though we weren’t physically together this time, that didn’t change.

We also had a lot of the same “magnetic PPI vibe” that attendees are familiar with, but that is sometimes hard to describe to those who have yet to experience it.

There were some new ways to interact that were designed to replicate the in-person feelings, which is tough to do, but in many ways the experience was even richer in other ways, so on balance, there was not much lost in the “translation” to the virtual world.

 

A Random Highlight Reel

One way to overcome the difficulty in capturing a week’s worth of learning is to just look over my notes and share some of the things that stuck with me and that I think are worth sharing here.

It’s a lot more “random” than most of my blogs, yet it still feels useful and is definitely heartfelt.

Speaking of heartfelt, I’d invite anyone whose path I crossed during RendeZoom to please follow up with me to deepen our connection, as I’d love to chat more over a one-on-one Zoom call.

The week gave me a new appreciation for my “social capital” and I’m trying to find even more ways to keep “sharpening that saw” of mine.

Likewise, if you’ve never attended, and are intrigued by what PPI has going on, please reach out for a call too.

Balloon in the sky

Steve’s Top 7 Take-Aways

  • Motivational Interviewing

I knew very little about the area of “motivational interviewing”, so the breakout session on the subject was something I approached with intrigue. 

What I discovered is that it feels like a close cousin of coaching and that there are skills and techniques I can learn from it that will make me an even better listener, coach, and facilitator.

  • Inspired by Gandhi 

My friend Jamie Forbes shared some very personal stories about his life and I applaud his courage for doing so (and he was from alone in this regard!).

But I need to thank him for reminding me of this Gandhi quote:

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”

Amen.

  • Facilitation from Many Angles

Matt Wesley capped off the week with a discussion about the many facets of facilitation, many of which resonated with me and how I see myself in that role.

From being the one who brings calm, to integrating the family’s stories, to connecting the dots for them, there are many ways we help bring out their best.

  • How to “Move Forward”

Ian McDermott once again graces my list this year, for simply reminding me that just trying to figure out how to “move forward” is often the best way to look at a challenging situation, whether personally or when working with clients.

  • Made for “These Times” 

I don’t remember whom to credit for this one, but thanks for the question “How are you MADE for these times as a _______?”

Still reflecting on this one…

  • From Entitlement to Expectations

In a discussion around the theme of entitlement, we ended up switching things around and instead focused on the parents and their need to clarify their expectations.

  • Building Bridges, or Building Boats

Matt Wesley again to close…

Sometimes it’s time to build a bridge, and sometimes it’s time to build a boat.

Thanks Matt, and everyone else who inspired me once again, it was another Rendez Vous to be remembered.

 

Rendez Vous 2021 – Somehow, Somewhere

It’s too early to say for sure that we’ll be back together in person in Denver next year, and I sure hope that will be realistic. 

No matter how or where, though, I know I will be back, and I’m looking forward to spending more quality time with my tribe.

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5 Pandemic Silver Linings for FamBiz

Our new shared reality has shaken up a lot of things in everyone’s world, and many of the negatives remain at the forefront.

Being a “glass half-full” kind of guy, I’m always on the lookout for the bright side of things.

So, with that in mind, here are 5 “silver linings” for family businesses that could come out of this pandemic, for those families that are ready, willing, and able to take advantage of them.

 

Reflect on, and Learn from, Previous Challenges

Any family business that has survived to include more than one generation has probably gone through some sort of crisis before.

The younger family members may not have been around or old enough to understand everything then, so this is a great time to bring them up to speed with the lessons about the historical resilience of the family and its business.

Knowing that the family has held together before, and reflecting on what strengths that required, will help everyone as they look forward together.

 

5 Pandemic Silver Linings for FamBiz

Co-Create the Pivot

This crisis is creating an opportunity for different generations to work together and co-create the changes that will bring the enterprise forward for the coming decades.

A family with younger members involved in the business has the chance to bring in newer, fresher ideas, that can be led by younger members with more energy, more tech-savvy, and a longer view into the future.

By combining these strengths with the wisdom and patience of their parents’ generation, they can co-create whatever pivot they need to, to adapt to the new realities of the world.

Diversity is an asset, and being able to harness the best of all their human capital is something that many business families are particularly good at doing.

 

 

Bolster the Family Brand

Since this crisis began, there have been so many examples of family businesses doing the right things for the right reasons.

Especially in smaller communities, the long term support that this creates for the family brand should last a while. While this isn’t the reason to do any of these things, it can be a nice side effect.

Family companies need to find subtle and balanced ways of getting the message out there about their efforts for the common good, and in the long run they will be rewarded by customer loyalty.

 

 

Surrender the Baton (Or at Least Part of It)

Many families put off serious discussions about the future and who will become future leaders as one generation eventually steps aside and another takes the lead. It’s what many call “continuity planning”.

Given what’s been going on recently, the current leadership may get a jump on, or at least have some more reasons to consider, moving towards their next life chapter, knowing that things are in good hands.

Crises create opportunities for new leaders to step up, which may be just what the current generation was hoping for.  

Someone who has taken on the hard choices you’ve all been facing recently just may be catching the eye of a leader who has been waiting for the opportunity to begin backing away, and surrendering some of the roles to them.

Many advisors are advocating for this quite strongly, for a great example, see The Next Generation Should Get Their Licence to Operate Now

 

Re-Emphasize Family Governance

As I wrote about a couple of weeks ago in The Crisis as a Test of your Family Governance, many families have recently realized that things were not set up exactly as they had assumed and imagined.

So, the family’s governance systems and structures may have been tested in the past couple of months.  What better time than now to revisit and re-invigorate efforts in this direction?

Might it be a time for the current business leadership to shift their focus from working IN the family business to working ON the business family?

 

Plenty of Clouds, Even More Silver Linings

There’s no question that everyone’s lives have been affected, mostly for the worse.

But, for the families that are little bit more forward-looking, there are many opportunities that just suddenly landed on our proverbial doorsteps.

What does it take to seize them?

Well, important things don’t typically just happen by themselves, not even in the best of times.

I believe that the key lies in the family’s ability to tap into all of its human capital, from every generation.

That all starts with a family meeting to discuss all of this, and if it has to be done over Zoom, that’s OK too.

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Under-promise and Over-deliver

These days there are many uncertainties surrounding the potential outcomes we’re all facing, along with lots of people in leadership roles being put on the spot for unknowable answers to questions that were inconceivable a few weeks ago.

At times like these we can learn a lot about leaders by how they address these questions, and whether they’re more inclined to skew their answers to one direction or another, depending on both their understanding of the situation and their propensity to lean either towards more optimistic or pessimistic outcomes.

A Huge Learning Opportunity

The current situation caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, as scary as it is, will also be great opportunities for all of us to learn, if we are so inclined.

We’re already learning a lot about viruses and how they spread, as well as how some rather simple hygiene measures go a long way toward curtailing that spread.

But we’re also learning a lot about society, how different groups react to news depending on their culture, and how political leaders react under pressure, and whether or not they properly rely on the experts who advise them.

There are also plenty of things we can tie in to the world of enterprising families, which I normally cover here, and some lessons that family members will also hopefully learn as we work our way through this global crisis.

 

“Don’t Set Yourself Up to Be a Loser”

If my Dad were still alive today, he’d be proud that I haven’t forgotten this mantra of his, which I heard him say over a hundred times in various situations.

Many of our political leaders have been guilty of putting their heads in the sand, hoping this would simply go away, making statements to that effect, and being wildly optimistic, because in the short term, that plays better politically.

In the long run, any trust that people had in such leaders is bound to be diminished as the truth comes out and reality sets in. 

This happens in society with politicians, and occurs in family situations too, where one family member makes overly optimistic claims about the family’s wealth, or their personal abilities, to siblings, cousins, or others.

 

Delayed Gratification

I often state that many family business problems are simply parenting problems that manifest themselves a few decades later, and this often comes down to whether or not parents tried to instill the value of delayed gratification in their children.

I wrote about this in Marshmallows and Filet Mignon about a year and a half ago, and I think it’s clear that some of our political leaders did learn these lessons early on and continue to reap the benefits, while others, well, not so much.

Last week I used a song as a blog title, and this week the song “Teach your Children” comes to mind as I think about this.

Many of us our now suddenly surrounded by children in our homes and there are plenty of lessons to be learned under the subject of “current events”. 

I hope that you’re benefiting from the opportunities to teach them important lessons based on the news.

 

Not Overpromising as a Coach

One thing I like about being a coach to families is that it’s actually difficult for me to overpromise what I can deliver.

You see, any well-trained coach will not only realize but will also share with their clients that the coach is not the one who does the work in such a relationship, it is the client (or clients).

The coach is there to provide some structure, process help, guidance, and accountability, but not to “do the work”; that is ultimately up to the clients.

This is a big part of why the “deliverables” are not easy to discuss or promise, because they’re out of the coach’s hands. See: Intangible Deliverables and the Family Circle

 

Promises to Family Members

Let’s finish off by tying in the idea of promises to the family, since many of us are suddenly in close quarters with family members, and may be for a while still.

Are there any promises that you made in the past that need to be reviewed? Maybe they were implied, or not defined well enough?

This may be an opportune time to clear those up. Maybe some assumptions around wealth need to be revised and updated too.

It’s safer to under-promise and over-deliver than the reverse.

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