Posts

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On Family Alignment and Family Alliances

I’ve written about Family Alignment a few times in this space, notably here: (blog) 5 Things you Need to Know: Family Alignment and on my website, here (whitepaper) Family Alignment:What IT Is, Why You Need It, How To Build It.  And I even recorded a video (or Vlog) about it.

Lately, though, there’s a related word that’s been popping up in my life, so I want to talk about how the two words and concepts fit together, or not!

That word, as you can guess from the headline, is “alliance”

 

Designing the Alliance

Some readers know that I’m well into the 6+ month journey of my professional coaching certification process.  This has helped me up my “one-on-one game” when working with client families, and, consequently, the individuals who make up those families.

An important concept in the coach-client relationship is always the “designed alliance” that they co-create, which then defines the relationship they have and how they’ll work together.

It’s not unlike the “ground rules” that a family or any group working together might design to govern their meetings and their working relationship.

 

Dispensing with the Dreaded “Survivor” Analogy

Of course there are other places where the word “alliance” comes up with a different meaning altogether, as reality TV fans will recognize.  I’m a huge fan of Survivor, where being in the right “alliance” is often the difference between winning and losing.

On that show, each week someone is voted off and sent home, while those who remain continue to fight each other for the million-dollar prize that gets awarded to the lone survivor at the end of each season.

Can we all please agree that family business in its best form bears little resemblance to this format?

 

Alignment of Values, Vision and Goals

Families in business together can always benefit from taking the time to define their common values, and to make sure that many of their individual values are aligned for the good of the family enterprise.  

Likewise, a family vision, and the goals the family sets for itself, are typically easier to reach when all of the family members are united and aligned behind a common vision and common goals.

So alignment, in general, is good, and should be worked on.  How about alliances?

 

Where Alliances CAN Work in FamBiz

Alliances in business families can be a bit trickier, especially when certain sub-groups of people, possibly from various branches of the family, begin to work at cross purposes to others.  This is when things can begin to go off the rails.

But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t any ways where certain types of alliances can be beneficial.  Here are a couple…

 

Sibling Groups

When I work with rising generation sibling groups, I might not necessarily use the word “alliance” with them, but it’s usually pretty clear that what I’m encouraging them to do is to act as much like an “alliance” as possible.

Such sibling groups are usually much more likely to get the cooperation with their parents than any single son or daughter would be on their own.

Realistically, sibling relationships will usually be the longest lasting relationships that most people will have in their lifetimes, longer than the relationships we each have with our parents, or with our children.

It stands to reason then, that care should be taken and time should be spent on making sure that these relationships are as strong and healthy as possible. When a group of siblings can begin to think of themselves as an alliance, I think that’s a good thing.

 

Teamwork in Each Circle

When people work together in any of the three circles (family, business, ownership) it can be useful for them to think of themselves as an alliance as well.

If a niece and her aunt are the ones who take care of things for the family council, it can make sense for them to design their work in an allied way.

Likewise, if there is an ownership group that meets periodically, those who lead that set of activities can find strength in allying their activities as well.

 

Design an Re-Design as Needed

And of course let’s not forget the importance of designing and then re-designing all of these alliances as needed, on an ongoing basis.

The time taken to reassess how groups of people work together is always worth it, and the need for these systems to evolve over time as things and people change cannot be overstated.

Get aligned, AND create the alliances you need.

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Who’s Zoomin’ Who?

In 1985, Aretha Franklin released her 30th studio album, “Who’s Zoomin’ Who?”  I remember the title track distinctly, it was back during my undergraduate days at McGill, and many of the memories from then seem to be etched into my brain.

It’s not one of Franklin’s most famous or memorable songs, but lately I can’t seem to get it out of my thoughts, for reasons I’ll get to.

You see, I’ve become a bit of a “Zoom” addict. Not only that, I’m trying to get anyone else who’ll listen hooked as well.

 

Goodbye Skype, Hello Zoom

For the uninitiated, Zoom is a platform that allows you to make video calls from your computer, phone, or tablet.  It’s been around for a few years, but lately it has become very prevalent and I am absolutely in love with it.

I can still recall decades ago, people saying “you know, some day, we’ll be able to see the people when we talk to them over the phone” and I remember thinking “what do I need to see them for, I usually already know what they look like!”  Oh the naiveté of youth.

Like many people, my first exposure to video calling was with Skype, but there were typically quality issues with most calls. It was free, though, so who really cared?  Turns out, I do!

 

The Choice of Many Organizations

I belong to a lot of different groups and organizations, and as it turns out, they’ve all chosen Zoom as their video platform for webinars and conference calls, so it was a no brainer for me to choose it as well.

I do Zoom calls with my FFI (Family Firm Institute) study group, the weekly PPI (Purposeful Planning Institute) thought leader webinars are on Zoom, FEX (Family Enterprise eXchange) uses Zoom, and the Bowen Center and our BTO (Bowen Theory in Organizations) meets on Zoom too.

And I’m into the home stretch of my coaching certification with CTI (Co-active Training Institute), and all of our meetings are on, you guessed it, Zoom.

So I kind of didn’t have much choice in the matter, really.

 

Taking It to the Next Level

I’ve never been a particularly “early adopter” of technologies, but it seems like I may be here, at least as it applies to using Zoom as my default platform for even simple one-on-one calls with clients and colleagues.

I signed up last fall for $149 US and can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever spent my money more wisely.

I recall the 2018 PPI Rendez Vous where the venerable Jay Hughes was explaining that thanks to platforms like Zoom, “Geography” was no longer the obstacle that it used to be.

Now I’m certain that Hughes has participated in thousands of regular, audio only phone calls in his life, but what he was getting at was the fact that when you can look someone in the eye while speaking with them, it truly is as close as you can get to actually being with them in person.

And so now I’m on a mission, and have already broken many people’s Zoom “virginity” and been their first Zoom host. I’ve even Zoomed with my mother, and she was born in the 1930’s.

 

Scheduled Meetings > Random Phone Calls

Another societal change that’s going on is that people are doing a lot less picking up the phone and calling someone, and actually making scheduled “meetings” at a set time.

My one-on-one coaching clients are all done over Zoom, using scheduled calls, and this allows me to have clients in far flung places, some of whom I’ve never actually met face-to-face.

Even with sibling groups, it is a big time saver, as each person can participate in our calls from their office, home, or hotel room.

 

Take Off for a Week – Without Taking a Week Off!

By far the best aspect of working this way is that it allows me to head to my cottage and not miss a beat.  I can take off for a week, without having to take a week off.

I think my record is 6 Zoom calls in one day, and in a typical week I often get on 10-12 calls.

The personal touch and intimacy you can create when you meet people this way is so far beyond what you can do with audio only.

So, who’s Zooming who?

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When the “Next Gen” Becomes the “Rising Gen”

This week we’re looking at an issue involving vocabulary because sometimes the particular words we use can have a big impact on how we’re understood.

Regular readers will already be familiar with the term “rising generation”, as I’ve been using it for about five years now, ever since I heard James E. (Jay) Hughes use it during the first PPI Rendez Vous I ever attended, in 2014.  The Rising Generation in Family Business

Hughes had explained that using terms like G1 and G2 (first-generation, and second-generation) was very limited and sometimes confusing, and suggested instead that we in the industry use the expression “rising generation”.

 

Look at the Life Cycle Instead

Here’s a paragraph from that blog from five years ago:

“So here comes the “Rising Generation” to the rescue. Hughes pointed out that when we refer to the rising generation, it helps keep everyone focussed on the fact that every person, and hence every family, and every business, has a life cycle.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself (see what I did there?).

So I started using “rising generation” or “rising gen” about five years ago, after some others like Hughes, but before many who have “caught on” more recently.

The field is evolving and so is its vocabulary, and “better words” can help people make important progress.

My favourite example of this remains “continuity planning”, which is slowly replacing the term “succession planning” which has way too many negative connotations, especially when it comes time to get people to have the conversations that are necessary. See: Continuity Planning: Who’s at the Table 

 

What About on a “Family Basis”?

Okay, enough with the industry vocabulary, let’s get into the more important aspects of this, i.e. in a particular family, when does the “next generation” actually become the “rising generation”?

I’m glad you asked, because it’s an important question.

And in many ways, it’s mostly a question of mindset. The interesting thing about a mindset, though, is that each person has their own mind, and therefore their own mindset.  The trick is to get the entire family to come to share the same mindset.

Let’s look at it from each generation’s perspective first, while recognizing that different people in the same generation will have slightly different mindsets, but that the most glaring contrasts are usually found when comparing the mindsets of the different generations.

 

Mom and Dad’s View of Their Offspring

Let’s start with the “NowGen”, who are the ones currently “in charge” of things, especially in the business, and typically even in the family.

When their offspring are young, little thought is given to their eventual ascendency to key roles in the business family. At some point, though, there comes a mental shift, where ideas about roles that these young ones might one day play, as their “human capital” matures, begin to take form.

But even then, those first thoughts are usually about them as the “next gen”, i.e. as people who will make a contribution “some day”, far in the future.  It’s almost like they are parked there, and one day, their parents will beckon them and they will arrive on cue.

 

The Rising Generation’s View of Themselves

Meanwhile, those offspring have their own views, and they are often more realistic, maybe because they are the main actors in this play.

As those actors think about their lives and potential roles, they are more likely to think of the progress that they have already made and will continue to make, because they are living the “action” of rising.

Their view of the process of the “rising” is truly “first person”.  They will more easily feel like they are on their way somewhere, and are hopefully well on their way to shaking off the label of “children”, which connotes being “stuck” at some age that typically starts with a “1” or worse, is a single digit.

 

When My Mindset Becomes Our Mindset

So here we are, back to the question of the differing mindsets in the family. My premise is that the rising generation’s mindset is the more enlightened one, and that it behooves them to do the work necessary to convince their parents’ generation of its validity.

The two key points there are these:

  1. The onus is on the Rising Generation
  2. It will take work to do it.

It won’t happen overnight, it’s a process. And it’s never too early to begin.

 

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You Want an X-Ray? I’ve Got an MRI!

I pride myself on finding interesting topics to write about here weekly.  While the major thrust of my message targets the world of family business and family wealth transitions, the inspiration for my blogs can come from just about anywhere.

This week’s post simply comes from my everyday real life. I always keep my antennae tuned to things that are a bit out of the ordinary or counterintuitive.

These stories can then be artfully turned into useful metaphors, or at least that’s what I’m trying to do.

A Real Pain in the _______

My knees have been an issue for almost as long as I can remember.  My Dad had both knees replaced in his 60’s, so I suppose that’s something else I inherited from him.

Of course the “misspent” years of my youth when I played baseball and was usually the catcher surely didn’t help me preserve whatever parts of my meniscus that were there to begin with.

I had arthroscopic surgery a few years ago and it helped, but relief was only temporary.  My exercise options are now limited, and lately even riding a stationary bike results in pain after only short stints.

My doctor tells me that I should lose weight and that will help, and of course he’s right.  But I can’t help think that there may be something they can easily “fix” in my joint, to minimize the pain of exercise, which should help with the weight loss.

I know, I’ll get an MRI!

What’s Covered, What’s Not

In Canada, our health care system is run and paid for by the government, and it’s generally very good.  But not everything is covered, so sometimes when you want special services, you need to pay for them out of pocket.

No big deal, I think, I can afford the MRI, because this is what I need to allow the doctors to really see what’s wrong with my knee, and then devise a treatment solution.

Where’s the X-Ray?

Imagine my surprise when the orthopedic surgeon looks at the MRI and asks me “Where’s the X-Ray?”

WTF?  Is he joking, I wonder?  I feel like I sent an email attachment and was then asked to send a fax instead.  Are we going backwards?

Evidently not.

So I ended up going back to the same place I had the MRI done again, and instead of paying $500, this time it was “free” with the simple presentation of my Medicare card.

The Family Harmony and Governance Angle

The first metaphor that comes to mind when I put on my family business consultant hat is one that I touched on a while back, in Behind the Flawed Family Constitution.

The essence of that post was that some families who are unsure of what to do, but who know that they should do something, (and they can afford to do whatever it takes) will often overdo it and decide that what they need is a full-fledged family constitution.

Some of the biggest, most successful families do it that way, so we will do it too.

It’s actually a pretty good sentiment, but it shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how those successful families went about it.

Start Early, Start Small, Start Slowly

There is nothing wrong with having a family constitution. But, and it’s a big “but”, it is not the place to begin.

Families who decide that they need to institute some form of governance should instead follow the steps I outlined in a 2017 blog post, Start Cleaning Up your M.E.S.S.

The acronym “MESS” was something I came up with almost by accident.  But I think it’s a useful way to remember things about “getting started” with big changes, such as instituting governance.

The letters in MESS each follow the word “Start”, as in “start moving”, “start early”, “start small” and “start slowly”.

Start with the X-Ray, Then the MRI

In the same way I went straight to the MRI, many families think that they can take a shortcut, and get someone to help them write up a family constitution, and then all will be right with the world.

But just like the clinic that gladly took my money for an MRI I probably didn’t need, there are plenty of people out there who will take your money and write you a family constitution.

A family constitution needs to be done BY the family, FOR the family.

There are no exceptions.

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Expectations vs Aspirations in the FamBiz

This week we’re going back to an old standby of mine, the “this versus that” blog format, where we compare and contrast two words, kind of like many of us did in High School English class.

And naturally, we’ll look at the words in general first, and then move into how they play themselves out in the context of family business.

Of course I typically begin with a set-up around my inspiration for my posts, which I love to do to provide some background and context, which can sometimes be interesting, entertaining, and useful, and hopefully occasionally all three.

Here goes.

Meditation Phone Apps

For the past year and a half or so, I’ve become a regular meditator.  My streak on one of the meditation apps I have on my phone is over 500 straight days, which I sometimes find pretty remarkable.

I actually begin each day with at least 20 minutes on one or two apps that I use, and I feel like my day gets off to a good start.  I alluded to this back in Rocky Mountain High: Best Is Yet to Come.

I like the App called “10% Happier” for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that creator Dan Harris has aimed it directly at people like myself.  He pulls no punches and states upfront that it’s “Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics”.  

Tell Me the Story So I’ll Believe 

I know that there are plenty of skeptics out there, including Harris himself.  I had first “met” him on his 10% Happier audiobook last summer. I only learned about the related app later from a colleague as we compared notes on meditation apps.

I want to side track onto Harris’ book because not only has he helped me understand meditation better, he actually inspired me in the way I approached the writing of my recent book, Interdependent Wealth: How Family Systems Theory Illuminates Successful Intergenerational Wealth Transitions.

In his book he spends a lot of time telling the story about how he learned about meditation, including all the ups and downs along the way.

I hope those who read my book will appreciate how this style of storytelling can add so much to a reader’s enjoyment of a book.

Context and Background in the App Too

Each meditation session on the app also has some background that gives context to the session. These are videos of Harris asking questions of the meditation expert.

It’s from one of those videos that this blog post’s inspiration arose. Joseph Goldstein, a meditation teacher widely featured on the app, talked about the difference between our expectations and our aspirations.

I knew immediately that there was a blog post in there!

Expectations: What We Believe Will Happen

Our expectations are essentially what we believe will happen, they’re what we “expect”.  They’re typically what we think will likely occur, say, on average; not the best result, not the worst either.

Aspirations: What We Hope Will Happen

In contrast, our aspirations are based more on our hopes, and what we would like to see happen; more of a best case scenario.

Goldstein states at one point that we “plan for the worst, and hope for the best”, so he and I may differ a bit on the expectations part (worst vs average) but that’s not the most important aspect, so we’ll leave that aside.

The Family Business Version – Whose Expectations?

In so many family businesses, including the one I grew up in, the biggest issue is often that one person often has great expectations, but not for their own self, but for their children.

There are plenty of people who are working in businesses who feel like they really never had much choice in the matter; it was simply expected of them, and so here they are.

Of course in some circumstances, the offspring joining the family business was truly not a choice, but a matter of survival.  I like to think that in the developed world, in this day and age, that doesn’t occur as often as it used to.

Human Capital – Maximizing Each Person’s Potential

Lately more families are starting to think about the term “Human Capital”, and how each person in a family can contribute what they do best, to the family’s wealth.

Usually when each person can live towards their own aspirations, they will be happier and more productive than those who are pursuing the expectations of their parents.

Is there an important conversation you need to have with a family member around this?

 

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Conversations: Does “Uncomfortable” = “Productive”?

Conversations: Does “Uncomfortable” = “Productive”?

This week’s post was inspired by a recent Zoom call that I was on with a group of like-minded colleagues.  The group consists of people trained in Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST), which became an interest of mine about five years ago.

Actually, I was more than just “interested” in BFST; I recently published a book about how it illuminates the field of intergenerational wealth transitions. (See Interdependent Wealth)

In the book, I also share my journey of learning and discovery of the fascinating world of BFST.

 

“Uncomfortable Conversations”

On that call, one colleague related a story about a recent meeting that she had had at her workplace, where some “uncomfortable conversations” took place.

She shared her reaction to the conversations, and how she was able to maintain objectivity towards the subject, not allowing her emotions to derail her thinking, thanks to her understanding of, and training in, Bowen Theory.

During the ensuing discussion, someone referred to that conversation, and dubbed it a “productive conversation”.

And suddenly in my head, there it was, “A-Ha!”, there’s definitely a blog post in this idea. 

I know that lots of business families face these issues around “tough” conversations all the time.

 

Of Productivity and Discomfort

In the example from above, that conversation was deemed uncomfortable, and also productive. My understanding of the productive aspect is that it likely resulted in an ability to move forward on some important matter(s).

If I frame this question around just the area of conversations, I might ask, “Does every productive conversation have to be uncomfortable?”

Or, turning it around, “Is every uncomfortable conversation productive?”

I think everyone would agree that the answer to both questions is a resounding “No”.

 

Avoiding the Tough Conversations

So if we’ve determined that “uncomfortable” and “productive” are simply two adjectives that can be used to describe conversations, and that even though there is some overlap of these groups, it is not a perfect overlap, what is this really about?

My guess is that it’s really about the fact that even though we know a conversation could be productive, it will often be avoided if it is expected to also be uncomfortable.

I know there’s no rocket science in that last sentence.

 

Necessary Conversations

In my notes to capture this as a blog topic that morning, I included the word “necessary”, because that word also came up for me as I considered the idea.

How many “necessary conversations” are being avoided, simply because they’re expected to be uncomfortable for someone?

Probably way too many to even begin to count.

 

Preparation and Culture

I want to share a few ways that we can have more productive conversations, that won’t necessarily be “comfortable”, but will at least be less “uncomfortable”.

First off, when people are prepared for a conversation, they can be more ready to hear things that they don’t always like to hear. When you can brace yourself before you fall, you won’t get hurt as badly as when you can’t.

Another important element that you can work on, is creating the proper culture for these conversations.  If you can be in the habit of creating a safe and supportive space, that can certainly help with the comfort issue.  

The more often you get together with people, raising some difficult issues and dealing with them positively, the more this can become a habit, and eventually part of your culture.

 

Make It a Regular Forum

In fact, one of the recommendations I typically make to families who say they really want to get serious about their planning for their eventual intergenerational wealth transition, is to begin to have regular family meetings.

These meetings don’t necessarily need to be held frequently (monthly or quarterly) but there should be at least one or two a year.

The important thing is to make sure that everyone knows that there will be an opportunity to have important conversations, around matters that will affect the whole family, over the very long term.

 

Start Slow, Add “Big” Topics Later

The initial few meetings can be used to get the attitude and culture right, hopefully dealing with simpler issues at the outset.

With time, some of the more sensitive topics will typically be added to the agenda, as people will have become used to working on important aspects around how things will evolve.

Hopefully, you can be productive, without being uncomfortable.

 

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Rocky Mountain High: Best Is Yet to Come

Notes from my 6th PPI Rendez Vous

As I write these words, I’m returning from Denver, after attending my favourite event of the year, the Rendez Vous of the Purposeful Planning Institute. 

During my first, in 2014, I vowed to return each year if at all possible, and I’m grateful that I’ve been able to keep my streak perfect thus far.

As I’ve shared with anyone who’ll listen, this is where I go each July to “fill up” my proverbial tank, hanging out with like-minded peers who all also “get” the importance of putting family members at the heart of the work that goes into intergenerational wealth transitions.

While I fully recognize that a vast majority of the activities that go into the world of “family wealth preservation” are still comprised of “structural solutions”, I can tell you that more and more professionals are seeing the light and recognizing the many shortcomings of those methods.

All those who want to meet, share and collaborate with others who recognize that this planning should be purposeful in nature, i.e. centered around the family’s purpose, please plan to join us next year (July 21-23, 2020).

 

Too Many Highlights to Mention

No blog post could ever do justice to all the great sessions and learnings from any single Rendez Vous, but I’ll try to report on some parts that I personally found special.  

I also know that each attendee will have their own list, and most of those will surely be pretty long.

When PPI founder and head John A. Warnick took the stage to talk about the state of the organization, one of his Powerpoint slides had the phrase “The Best Is Yet to Come” on it, and I found it quite powerful and pertinent.

Indeed, it feels like the best IS yet to come, for PPI, for the field of of professionals serving ultra high net worth families, and even for me personally.

 

Podcasts: THE Big “New” Content Format (?)

A theme that seems to be emerging in the professional space in general is the appearance of more and more podcasts. 

At dinner one evening, I sat next to two podcast hosts who have had me on as a guest recently (Family Business Podcast ep.59) and (Crafting Solutions to Conflict, upcoming episode), and the evening before I was invited to be a guest on a future episode of the Business Sustainability Radio Show.

I guess it helps when you have a new book out that you want to talk about, and when you like to talk about the important work being done in an emerging profession.

The book was central to many conversations I had with colleagues and friends (new and old) while there.  I wrote the book to fill a gap in the literature and based on what people told me, it does that. 

Some who had purchased copies, brought them for me to sign, which I was honoured to do.

I also gave several copies to people who seemed likely to follow up my gift with an Amazon review, of which I’m hoping some will be forthcoming.

Some More Random Highlights

 

  • Wolf Packs

I honestly can’t recall which mainstage presenter mentioned it, but the expression “The Strength of the Wolf is the Pack; and the Strength of the Pack is the Wolf” was mentioned.

I can think of few expressions that better capture what it means to be part of a family who’ve agreed to continue to work together, so I always welcome any opportunity to share it.

 

  • Meditating Vs. Sleeping

Perennial presenter Ian McDermott had us run through a cool exercise on conversations, in triads, but not before leaving me with a great sentence that I noted because it captures something that’s also become a habit in my life.

As he described his daily ritual, he noted “I wake up and then I meditate. People ask ‘why do you meditate, you were just sleeping?’ And I say ‘Yes, but meditating isn’t the same as sleeping’”. 

Amen, Ian, thanks for putting it so simply.

 

  • Mentor Mixer

Kudos to Amanda Koplin for instigating the first ever PPI Mentor Mixer. I’m pleased to have found a match in a young woman who is older than my daughter (but not by much) with whom I’m certain future exchanges will prove mutually beneficial.

 

Until PPI Rendez Vous 2020

Having reconnected with many colleagues, I am once again “full”, and ready to continue spreading the purposeful news for the next 51 weeks. A la prochaine!

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“We’re Here to Improve, Not to Impress”

“We’re Here to Improve, Not to Impress”

Each week in this space I write about subjects relating to families who work together for their long term benefit.

This can be in a family business, a family office, a family foundation, or any combination of these and other scenarios.

But when individual family members work together on these matters, they aren’t always coming in with the same goals or attitudes.

 

Blogging About Enterprising Families

The idea for this particular post, which I used in the title, comes from a situation that has nothing to do with families at all, but rather from a real life experience of mine that I recently noted.

Of course I needed to find a way to take that message, tell that story as background, and then relate it to the world of enterprising families.

I’m pretty sure that I found a way to do it, but I will leave it to readers to evaluate my success.  

 

Coach Training Example

Those of you who also read my monthly newsletter (and care enough to pay attention to the details of my life that I sometimes relate therein) may know that I began a coaching certification program in April, with CTI.

During our very first session with our CPL (Certification Pod Leader), he made a statement that I wrote down and vowed to keep in mind throughout the program, and beyond.

He asked all nine of us to remember that we were there “to improve, NOT to impress”.

I’m pleased to report that it has stuck with me, and I’ve repeated it to myself, and others in our group, on a few occasions.

 

What About Family Members?

So where can we use this idea when working with family members? I’m glad you asked.

I think that the best way to begin to look at this, is to actually think about the expression in reverse.  Wait, what?

Well not really in reverse, but let’s think about the “here to impress” part of it first.

I have seen my share of family businesses, and in many of them, there are certain family members who expend a lot of effort and energy trying to impress others.

Now this might be fine if all these efforts were being made in order to impress outsiders, like customers, suppliers, bankers, etc.

But when they spend so much of their time and effort trying to impress their parents and their siblings, that always leaves me feeling at least slightly disappointed.

 

Poorly Focused Efforts

That disappointment arises mostly because it feels to me like many of these efforts would be better put to use for the common good of the family.

Instead, they often have at their core a need for certain family members to boost their own worth within their family.

When people feel the need to act this way, it is usually disappointing to me.  

But this isn’t about me, it’s about the families. So let’s look at it from their viewpoint.

 

How About Improving Together Instead?

Now I want to go back to the expression in the title, and examine the first part. “We’re here to improve”.

Imagine that instead of certain family members attempting to bolster their personal superiority over others, they would simply act first and foremost as team players, concerned with the success of the entire group.

Every group of people who work together, in whatever form, will have people with varying levels of abilities in different areas.

It is rare to find a group in which one single person is the best person in that group at every task they undertake.

 

Going Far, Going Together

As I wrote that last line, I flashed back to a blog from 2016, which remains one of my favourites.

Going Far? Go Together, was inspired by an African proverb that reads, 

“If you want to go FAST, go alone. If you want to go FAR, go together”

As someone who writes regularly about families who work together, and who has admitted repeatedly to having a “family first bias”, I hope you can see why this proverb is close to my heart.

 

Improving Together Impresses the Outsiders

When families can keep their focus on making things better for the whole group, they will actually end up impressing many outsiders.

While that may not be their goal (and probably shouldn’t be) it is a nice side effect.

Hopefully other families can then watch and learn!

 

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Behind the “Flawed” Family Constitution

Behind the “Flawed” Family Constitution

This week’s post is about the wonderful world of the “Family Constitution”.  I thought about doing a “5 Things to Know…” blog, but decided against it.

There’s a lot to get to, so let’s dive in.

 

Just Who Are “The People”?

As I searched Shutterstock for an image to accompany this post, I entered the word “Constitution” and was amazed (but not surprised) at how many of the pictures featured the words “We the people” at the top of an old document.

Those are of course the first words of the U.S. Constitution, and they really sum up the importance of getting the preamble right to set the context properly in the creation of any important document. 

See: Co-Creation and Values in the FamBiz

It’s not hard to deduce from the expression “Family Constitution” that “the people” here would be “the family”.

 

“The Family”; OK, Thanks, Now It’s Clear. NOT

That’s all fine, of course, until it comes to defining exactly who all the individual people are, especially as definitions of family continue to evolve.

If that were the only issue to resolve, this wouldn’t actually be that difficult.  We’d need to start with the family leaders and then expand the group slowly, and then work together to come up with definitions and rules, and come to a consensus on who’s included.  Surely not an insurmountable problem.

 

Putting the “Con” in “Constitution”

Having a family constitution can be a very useful thing for some families, assuming their governance has sufficiently evolved and the family members have actually been key players in its development.

For every “Pro”, there are also many “Cons”.

The inspiration for this blog came from an article I saw on LinkedIn a few months ago, by Professor Enrique Soriano, who works with families on their governance, mostly in Asia. I’ve never met him, but we have 174 common connections on that network as I write this.

His post, Elements of a Flawed Family Constitution, is essential reading for anyone truly interested in this subject, especially for those who see the Family Constitution as the “be all and end all” of things that every family “must have”. 

The fact that many of those who believe this also peddle their services to families, and offer to create these documents for them, should not be a huge surprise.

 

One Person is NOT “People”

As I wrote last year in Family Governance: From Filaments to LED’s, if one person writes the constitution, alone, without major doses of input from people from different generations of the family, it simply will not work.  

Sure, you can fool yourself that you’ve got something worthwhile, but it won’t last.

Similarly, if the document was largely put together by a consultant, or even a team of consultants, it will not serve its intended purpose.  And this is true even if you hire the best consultants and pay them a lot of money to do this work for you.

As I always say about family governance (of which a family constitution is but one possible component) it really needs to be FOR the Family, BY the Family.

 

Cultural Differences?

Soriano notes at one point that perhaps the phenomenon of “flawed family constitutions” is more prevalent in Asia, where he is based.  That may be the case, as there could be more of an attitude towards the forced creation of a document that everyone is then expected to abide by in those cultures.

But I don’t care what country you are in, unless the family members were heavily involved in its creation and implementation, no family constitution is going to be worth much.

 

My Own Pet Peeve

The one thing that I personally hate about this subject, is that it’s so often based on the assumption that keeping the business and family together forever is desirable and doable.

There may be some cultural biases in this aspect.

If the attitude behind the creation of a constitution is to “force” people to remain in relationships that they otherwise would rather not be part of, then trouble will likely be ahead.

 

My “Family” Bias

My bias is always to make sure that the family relationships survive for generations.  If that means that changes need to be made to the business and ownership, then let’s figure out how to make those and keep the family intact.

If a constitution that reflects that can be created, then great.

Of course any family with that attitude might never think they need one…

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Co-Creation and Values in the FamBiz

This week we’re looking at two subjects that have an interesting relationship when it comes to business families.  I’m not really sure how to describe their relationship, but maybe we can figure it out together.

Please join me as we look at Values and Co-Creation in the context of families looking to preserve their wealth across generations.

People have been talking about Values in the family wealth space for a long time, and with good reason.  The idea of Co-Creation seems to be a more recent manifestation, and I’m really excited about how the two can actually work together.

Let’s get started.

 

Co-Creating the Families Values

Values, in the end, are usually a very personal matter.  It’s not often that any two people will have the exact same “top 5” values, for example.  It’s not quite like DNA, but still very much an individual thing.

So what about “family values”, then?

Well, thanks to the DNA metaphor that just popped into my head as I was writing this, we have something we can keep using here, with this analogy.

While no two people’s values will be identical, it’s not uncommon for family members to have a lot of overlap in what’s important to them in terms of values.

 

Handed Down from the Parents?

In many ways, like DNA, your values are determined, or at least influenced by, your parents.  So it shouldn’t be too surprising to realize, when you meet siblings for example, that their values will be similar.

But when you’re trying to find the “common values” of the family, I don’t recommend that they be dictated from on high, from one generation to the next.

That’s where the Co-Creation comes in.

 

The Process Versus the Result

If you begin with each family member’s individual values, you’ll undoubtedly find some common ground that can act as a foundation upon which you can then build the “family values” that you are looking to discover.

But please resist the temptation to quickly find “the answer”.

The process that the family members go through together, as they explain to the others how they view each of their important values, and why they are important to them, is even more important than the end result.

The discussions, especially in a sibling group, as they share examples of how they have lived their values and how they have seen others live them as well, is so rich with potential that it shouldn’t be ignored.

It’s the entire process of working together, that Co-Creation, that will ensure that when the family adopts their list of key family values, they will actually “stick”.

 

The Value of Co-Creation

This now brings us to the other view I have stuck in my head around the way that Value(s) and Co-Creation overlap.

We’ve been talking about the Co-Creation of the family’s Values, but I really want to underscore the Value of Co-Creation.  This is admittedly a bit of a clunky argument on my part.

As the author of all of my content, as well as the editor, I’ve given myself editorial licence to do this.  I hope you’ll continue to indulge me here.

The first message is that family values MUST be co-created.

But the second message is that Co-Creation in and of itself, has a lot of Value, in everything the family does together.

 

Family Legacy, Family Alignment, Family Governance

All of my favourite subjects in this work revolve around family, and I express them in different ways depending on the context and particular circumstances that any family is living.

But whether I’m talking to a family about the family legacy that they want to leave (and live!), or the family alignment that they may have to work on to get everyone working in the same direction, or the family governance that they’ll need to begin to work on, to hold it all together over the coming generations, the Co-Creation of these is always central to their ultimate success.

So, Yes, please remember that family Values should always be Co-Created by the family members, with a major input from the younger family members, please!

But Yes also to recalling that there is huge Value in the idea of Co-Creation of everything else the family is working on for their long term success.

FOR the Family, BY the Family. But not necessarily by themselves!

 

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