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“Yellow Light Family” – Proceed with Caution

“Yellow Light Family” – Proceed with Caution

Last week’s post (Happy to Be Wrong on FEX) talked about the great symposium I attended in Halifax earlier this month.

If you’re a regular reader (thanks!) you know that one of my best sources of blog material comes from these kinds of events.

I often do some sort of “Top 10” of things I picked up, but I’m going to devote this blog to one specific presentation I attended.

In coming weeks, I’ll likely dig in to a few other memorable sessions from the FEX conference.

 

Green, Yellow or Red Zone?

The symposium had a good mix of sessions; a couple for families only, others just for advisors, but most were open to all.

In this advisor-only session, Jim Grubman of Cambridge Family Enterprise Group presented “Green, Yellow or Red Zone Clients”.

He introduced the concept of the “Two-Axis Model” of wealth advising, with technical issues along the X-axis (horizontal), and personal and family dynamics on the Y-axis (vertical).

In each case, the model ranges from low complexity to high, from left to right and from bottom to top.

The colour-scheme was reserved for the family dynamics axis; green at the bottom, yellow in the middle, and red at the top end.

 

Technical Bread and Butter

Grubman mentioned that as you go from left to right on the “technical axis”, more complexity is usually seen as a positive for advisors.

A family with complex technical needs is often a plus, in that it allows you to showcase your abilities to solve their issues, and to charge accordingly.

The more people, entities, trusts, and jurisdictions a family has to deal with, the more the advisors will relish the task. At least the best advisors do.

 

The Family Dynamics Axis

The vertical axis, on the other hand, where family complexities increase, can be a very different story.

This is where the “traffic light” comes into play.

The low complexity families, with little of no conflict, anxiety, addictions, etc. are where most advisors prefer things to be.

Green is good, because there’s no family stuff to trip you up.

As you begin to see any of those issues, you leave the safety of the “green zone” and get into the yellow territory. At this point many who advise on technical issues (legal, tax, trusts, accounting, cross-border, etc.) quickly feel like they’re out of their depth.

Sometimes it doesn’t take much to raise the proverbial red flag, and get the advisors to scratch their heads wondering if they will be able to resolve the family issues.

 

Break It Down

Here’s where the real value of the presentation came for me. Rather than simply looking at the family dynamics question globally, Grubman breaks it down into several components.

In many cases, one thing sets off alarm bells, but others are hardly any concern.

For example, the sensitive issue could be the family’s level of conflict, their communication style, addictions, perceived fairness, or lack of governance systems.

When you can put your finger on it with greater detail, you’re much better placed to deal with it.

It can also help to look at “state versus trait” variables. There could be a situational factor at play, which may just be temporary. (Traits are fixed, while states are transitory)

 

Isolate the Issues

When the advisor team can share their views using this type of breakdown, they can pinpoint the issue more easily.

A family that looked red, or “very yellow” can look much less daunting once you see that there is really one key issue that is flashing, and that the others are pretty green.

 

Coordination and Collaboration

Now I’m gonna switch from what Jim Grubman was saying to Steve Legler’s take.

No single advisor will be able to handle a family with any complexity above green, on either axis.

Technical professionals work together to solve the family’s asset-related issues. On the family dynamics side of things, the same should also be true.

Families will benefit from advisors who can coordinate their activities at a minimum, and hopefully even collaborate.

 

Inter-Disciplinary Fluency Helps

FEX’s FEA Program helps advisors develop the inter-disciplinary fluency they need to properly serve families.

Knowing what families need, and how the pieces all fit together, is key. And so is being able to work together.

Tools like Grubman’s help us all do a better job for families.

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There Goes the Neighbourhood

This past week was a little out of the ordinary for me as I took a quick trip to my cottage to get away and clear my head. My intention was to rest and plan, but instead it turned out that I was pretty productive.

I’m not sure if that makes it a successful week then, but as someone pointed out to me, sometimes a change is as good as a rest.

Good Fences = Good Neighbours

One item on my agenda during my visit to the cottage was to deal with a part of our property on which there is a building that’s in need of a lot of work. After initially considering demolishing it or carting it away, we are looking at salvaging it instead.

A neighbour from two doors down asked if he could purchase it and fix it up to rent to his sister who’s moving to the area.

After discussing it with him, I went to see the local land surveyor who had drawn up the plans a few years ago.

Sidebar: As a fan of languages, I’ll point out that the French term for Land Surveyor is “Arpenteur Geomètre”. An “arpent” is an acre, so that makes the profession one of “Acreage Geometrist” as a rough translation.

Warring Neighbours

While making small talk with the man, he noted that he was being more selective in choosing the jobs he’s taking on at this stage of his career, sticking to the “easy ones”.

It turned out that the degree of difficulty he was referring to has zero to do with the complexity of the land, and everything to do with the people who own the land.

All this time I had imagined that the profession of land surveyor was all about surveying land (and acreage geometry), but as it turns out, most of the stress of the job comes from the people who own the land.

Working with drawings, driving stakes into the ground, using a transit (the scope instrument on a tripod), calculating the square footage, well, that’s the fun stuff. Standing between warring neighbours who are each arguing that the line should be “further over that way”, well, not so much.

Déjà Vu All Over Again

When my new friend related this aspect of the job, I had a bit of a flashback. A few years back when I first became a member of PPI (Purposeful Planning Institute), I joined one of their weekly thought leader calls.

I’m not 100% sure who the guest was that week, but I recall that they got their start advising families after being called in to mediate a number of sticky situations. I also recall the guest stating that he now tries to avoid those types of clients, preferring to work with good families, helping them become great.

Professional Stress

So if the land surveyor is stressed out by the fighting neighbours, and the family advisor is stressed out by family fighting, how bad must if be for the parties on the INSIDE?

What can be done to lower the level of conflict and to help everyone coexist? Neighbours are kind of “stuck” with each other, and families even more so. Their interdependence is pretty high.

Sounds like some good, clear rules and guidelines would be helpful. Once again, it comes back to governance. (See Governance Aaaah!)

Drawing the Boundaries

Right now I own the land that is being re-drawn, so it is the perfect time to figure out where the stakes will go into the ground to divide the property.

Things are calm, and I control both sides, so I can divide it as I wish, and will make it clear what I am offering to sell to my neighbour BEFORE we make the deal.

When you look at your family situation, and how things will shake out when the next generation will be in control, are all of the lines and boundaries clear and well understood?

Although we hope and would like to think that our kids will just get along, hope is not a strategy, and many families who ended up feuding used to think the same thing.

Bottom Line: Draw the lines in times of peace, don’t wait for the fighting to start, because then it is MUCH more difficult.

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A Systematic Business Family?

This week we’re going to venture into the area of Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST) and look at how it might be useful in understanding business families and how they tick.

I’m currently at the Spring Conference of the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family. As a student of BFST and a practitioner who works with business families, it’s really interesting stuff, and there’s still another full day to go.

Bowen Theory is used in many fields, from therapy to coaching and family counselling to clergy working with their congregations. This year’s conference is geared to organisations, which naturally includes family businesses.

 

The BFST FamBiz Book

I initially learned that the “family is a system” in the first module of the Family Enterprise Advisor program I took in 2013. But we didn’t learn specifically about Bowen’s version at the time. It was later that Murray Bowen’s name came up for me, and I decided to investigate further.

My natural reaction was to search for a book on BFST and Family Business, and when I did, I couldn’t find the book I was hoping to find.

Later, I got this crazy idea that maybe I should write it. I have been immersing myself in this ever since, and I may just be crazy enough to try it.

 

BFST covers LOTS of ground

The possible applications of the theory are vast, and I thought I’d share a few of my notes, just from today, to give you a flavour. I normally don’t take lots of notes, but when you’re thinking about writing a book on something, well, notes could come in handy.

 

Anxiety

  • The way a family operates when things are calm is different from the way it functions when it’s tense.
  • Business families are involved in coordinated functioning towards attainment of goals, so decreasing anxiety in the system is very helpful.

 

Time Factors

  • Families are open to innovative solutions, BUT they want quick results
  • Real shifts don’t occur quickly
  • You can’t use BFST to “fix” someone

Unproductive Effort 

  • So much unproductive time and energy gets used up dealing with anxiety and the emotional issues that family members deal with.
  • Collective intelligence requires diversity of opinion.
  • Hierarchical leadership models are being replaced with distributive leadership.

 

So many “clients”

Family business advisors work with many different constituents:

  • Individual family members
  • Single generation groups
  • The entire family
  • Business system
  • Ownership system
  • Other advisors and consultants

There is a lot of work involved just in defining these groups to themselves and to each other, and then to work with them in a coordinated way.

 

Automatic Behaviour

So much of human behaviour, and therefore family behaviour, is automatic. We do so many things without really thinking about them.

People need to be aware of these things in order to learn that they can control them, and they need to practice doing that.

Awareness precedes the ability to exercise the free will required to change behaviour patterns.

 

More Questions than Answers

BFST doesn’t actually answer that many questions, but it sure can help ask a lot of the best ones. It’s a lens that Bowen practitioners can use to help see things differently, by looking at them from a new point of view.

It doesn’t rely on “cause and effect” thinking, it’s all about the relationships between the individuals, because it’s a “systems view”, where the way the parts are connected together is highlighted.

 

My BFST Book

One thing that’s becoming clear to me is that if (when?) I write a book on BFST, it will likely just be about how I use it, and will not attempt to be THE book on the subject.

A few respected colleagues have suggested that I actually write the book for a very small audience. This isn’t because there aren’t that many people who could benefit from it, but maybe because so many people could.

 

An Audience of One

I will likely write the book for an audience of one. Yes, just for me. But I will certainly share it too.

Do I mean that the act of writing can be selfish, and that some people write things for themselves, first and foremost? Well, I know a guy who started blogging like that, and now he just can’t stop.

 

 

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Is your Continuity Planning “PAL” in Danger?

This past week on Tuesday, at Noon Eastern time, as I quite often do, I participated in the weekly teleconference of the Purposeful Planning Institute. https://purposefulplanninginstitute.com

I’ve been a member of PPI since 2014 and will be attending their annual Rendez-Vous in July in Denver for the fourth straight time. If I could only attend one event each year, this would easily be the one. http://purposefulplanninginstitute.com/rendezvous2017/

 

Planning Fatigue

This week’s call was about “planning fatigue” and dealt with ideas professional advisors could use to overcome situations in which client families don’t move forward on transition plans as expected, hoped, and required.

Because the entire process is long and complex, clients sometimes lose sight of why they are doing all this work and things can begin to slide, and sometimes never get completed as intended. This can be a huge issue, and PPI is the only organization I know of that actually talks openly about this kind of stuff.

Every Tuesday PPI holds a teleconference, with a host and an invited guest expert. This week’s featured Timothy J. Belber, PPI’s Dean of Fusion, with guest Kristin Keffeler. They’ve collaborated on client family files in the past, which was evident, as they gave plenty of real life examples of situations they faced together.

These PPI weekly calls are all recorded and archived, so even when members can’t make it live, we can always listen to the recording later.

 

Three Major Classes of Danger

While discussing the problems of not completing a family’s planning work, Belber mentioned the three major classes of dangers that exist when things are not carried out to the end.

“Hmmm”, my ears perked up, “I wonder what these three classes are!”

These three main danger areas, can actually serve as the three major headings that we should be thinking about at every step along the way: People, Assets, and Legacy.

 

Checklist?

I wrote them down, and immediately wondered if everything could all really be boiled down to those 3 simple elements. The fact that I am writing a blog about it should give you my answer.

In fact, as someone who thinks in lists of 3, I will now incorporate these into an easy-to-recall checklist, but not necessarily just while thinking of “dangers” per se, but as important elements to always keep in mind.

I expect them to become a good PAL of mine and I don’t like it when any PAL of mine is in danger.

 

People

This one should be front and center, but often isn’t. When we are working with a family to make decisions on “what to do” in an estate plan, tax plan, business plan, or more generally “continuity plan”, I always think about how every decision will affect the people.

(See: https://stevelegler.com/2015/04/12/successful-planning-who-should-be-involved)

Many professionals in this space are specialists in protecting the assets, and they do a great job, but sometimes the people are given secondary consideration (if any).

It should go without saying that when those people for whom we are making the plan are adults, it is wise to seek their input at some point. This is heresy to some, I know, but it is 2017, not 1977.

 

Assets

This element usually doesn’t get forgotten, mostly because it is the domain of so many professionals in the family’s sphere.

I won’t give this one too much space, save to remind you of one of my favourite expressions on this point.

“We spend too much time and effort preparing the assets for the heirs, and not nearly enough on preparing the heirs for the assets.

 

Legacy

This one is a bit trickier because it’s less tangible, but Belber also mentioned his way of thinking about this too, and I want to share it here as well.

He noted that your legacy is what others think, feel, and say about you.

If we try to tie a Legacy to People and Assets, exactly HOW you leave those Assets to those People should be pretty important, shouldn’t it?

If you worry too much about either the Assets or the People, at the expense of the other, your Legacy will surely suffer.

 

Conclusion

Maybe it should be People + Assets = Legacy?

Either way, I have a new PAL. He can be yours too.

 

  

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No, YOU Don’t Understand!

No, YOU Don’t Understand!

This week I attended a presentation at a local University’s Family Business Center.

The guest speaker was a local legal professional from a well-known firm, and she was there to talk about things that business owners need to pay attention to when doing the legal end of their estate planning.

As she regaled us with her stories, a certain phrase came up a couple of times. When I heard it the first time, I was mildly amused. When I heard it again, I knew that it was going to be the subject of this week’s blog post.

The scenarios were the same each time. During her discussions with clients, at one point the client would say, “No, Janet, you don’t understand…”.

 

Who doesn’t understand whom?

After listening to the client’s explanation of what she did not seem to “get”, she would turn it around and retort with “No, YOU don’t understand”.

In my experience with families, these kinds of exchanges take place quite often, and they happen at several levels.

They happen within the family, between members of different generations, and also within groups of the same generation, such as ia sibling group.

They are also common between the family (or its representative) and its outside advisors.

When these types of exchanges take place, there is nothing inherently bad about them, at least on the surface. I am reminded of the phrase, “It’s not what happens to you that is important, it’s what you do about it”.

 

OK, so NOW what?

When the person who comes back with the “No YOU don’t understand” then goes on to lay down the law and force their viewpoint on the others, despite what others believe and understand and agree to, there will likely be problems down the road.

The best case scenario for this type of exchange is one where the family representative is dealing with an advisor and it is the family leader who concludes that they are not being well served, who then concludes with “And that’s why I am going to find myself a better advisor”.

The whole “I understand and you don’t” is so “I am smart and you are ignorant”, and “I know what is best and you must obey”, and it really has no place either within a business family or between a family and their advisors.

 

The Search for Clarity

One of my new favourite words is CLARITY. When someone asks what I can bring to their family situation, it has become my go-to first response. I will help bring clarity to the members of the family system.

Clarity, in my view, is not really much more than a common understanding. First, the family needs to be sure that they have a common understanding of where they are today.

People are sometimes tempted to rush into figuring out where they want to go, and I usually need to slow them down and make sure that they all know where they actually are first.

Once they all undestand and agree about where they are, then we can look at where they want to go, and of course, how they can get there. This will also require clarity, or, put another way, common understanding.

 

Inside the Family First, then Outside

Then, and ONLY then, should there be a meeting among the family’s advisors, again for clarity, i.e. common understanding.

Far too often I see situations where the outside experts are brought in with ready-made “solutions” (i.e. products and services) before anyone has done the work on becoming clear on what is required in that unique family’s situation.

Bringing clarity to a family is hard work and it takes time, but it can be done. Successful multi-generation families have figured that out.

 

FOR yourselves, Not BY yourselves

Here is what it boils down to:

As a family, you need to figure it out FOR yourselves, but that doesn’t mean that you have to figure it out BY yourselves.

You will likely need some outside help, but the person who helps you will be a process person, not a product person.

Achieving family clarity on “where they are now” and “where they are going together” is what it is all about, and the journey to get there is at least as important as the result.

But it doesn’t just happen by itself.

 

 

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Getting Dirty without Getting Stung

Two Kinds of People

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who don’t mind getting dirty, and others who would rather just stay clean.

That’s an oversimplification, but let’s just roll with it. If forced to classify myself as one or the other, I am quite OK with being in the dirty group.

This week I was involved in organising an annual fundraising dinner at a non-profit where I have been volunteering for the past seven years.

During the evening, I had the pleasure of presenting an award to someone I have worked closely with from my first day there.

 

Dirty versus Clean

The award was named for a colleague volunteer of ours who passed away last year. The three of us had spent many a Thursday afternoon getting dirty together, distributing food in the organisation’s food bank.

It struck me that few of our fundraiser “committee people” or those who attend our evening events ever actually see the day-to-day workings of this community charity, much less get involved “on the ground floor”.

Likewise the people who come and volunteer in various capacities during the day are not those who typically come out for the evening events.

There are exceptions, but in general there are the “blue collar” types who don’t mind getting dirty, and “white collar” types who prefer to stay clean. One group contributes time and effort on the ground, the other supplies donations and connections at a higher level.

 

We need both types

Everyone who helps out is needed and appreciated, I’m not making judgements here, and all contributions are welcomed and gratefully received. My point is that most people feel at home in one group, but not both.

Likewise, in the realm of family wealth, advisors who work with legacy families exhibit a similar dichotomy, but from a slightly different angle.

Some work directly with the family members, while other professionals work in other specialized fields and bring particular expertise to the table for those families, but don’t typically meet all family members.

 

Content versus Process

On the content side, lawyers draw up shareholder agreements, insurance specialists create the best combination of policies to take care of tax liabilities, and advisors craft perfect estate plans, yet seldom interact with the actual family members whom they ultimately serve.

On the process side, we understand family dynamics, facilitation, mediation and coaching. Many come from a psychology background, and are more akin to blue collar, ground floor, and “it’s OK to get dirty” types.

The content/transactional advisors work mainly for firms of professional partners, who specialize in knowing the laws and regulations and have a knack for creating structures and documents that are used by the family as part of the estate planning process. To me, these folks are more akin to “white collar”, upstairs, and “I prefer to stay clean” group.

Once again, both groups are important, absolutely needed, and thankfully available to serve the family. There is a symbiotic relationship here, but who is serving whom?

 

Really Feeling It

In the charity example, the daytime staff and volunteers see the benefits of their work first hand. Those who come out only for the fundraising events are often told of what goes on, and they are often amazed but never really “feel” it.

Most advisors to families will recognize proverbial hornet’s nests in family situations and steer clear of them, not wanting to get stung, nor leave the family in worse shape.

Working closely with the family members, doing much more “process” work, I see the hornet’s nests too, but I don’t necessarily run away from them, instead I often prefer to point them out.

I am not suggesting that the content people get involved in the process stuff, but if they better understood the implications their work has on their ultimate clients (the whole family) they could do an even better job.

 

Connecting the Two

When donors come out to a charity event, we try to show them how important the work is that we do for the end clients.

Those who bridge these gaps, in charities and in families, are always necessary, yet not always appreciated. But we will always do it, because it feels so good and so right to make these important connections.

We don’t mind getting dirty, and we are not afraid to get stung.

 

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How to Choose a Family Business Consultant

There are many factors to consider when you are looking to find the kind of help that many business families eventually require. This usually arrives around the time that the family realizes that their leading generation will someday need to make way for the rising generation.

Most will have an inkling that they will need to do “something, someday”, long before they actually start to act upon those feelings, and that’s only natural.

 

Structural Issues

Often the impetus to act will come from a business advisor of some sort, like an accountant or a lawyer. In any inter-generational transfer, there are plenty of legal and structural issues that will need to be taken care of, for obvious reasons.

What remains less obvious to many, is that the legal and structural “paperwork” is only the beginning. These official documents deal mostly with the “what”, but very rarely get into the crucial details of the “how”.

If this is all news to you, there are dozens of other blog posts on this site that you can read to get my drift. For those who are already on board, I will now segue into the thrust of this post, about how to choose your family business consultant.

 

Don’t Allow Family Issues to Get Lost

Here are my Top 5 things to consider before deciding on who is best suited to helping you with these crucial matters:

 

  1.    Overlap of Business and Family

 Does the person that you are going to engage, to help lead your transition, truly understand that most of the key issues that you will be facing involve both the business AND your family?

A business focus without understanding the family issues is no better than a “family therapist” focus with no understanding of business and wealth.

 

  1. Business > Family       OR       Family > Business?

Do they come from a background where they naturally lean toward business solutions, or from one where family harmony is the driving force?

Which is more important to them, which is more important to you and your family, and is it the same for both? Should it be the same, or should there be a counter-balance? Some semblance of balance should not be overlooked.

There is no right or wrong here, but you need to comprehend this point.

 

  1.    Do they LISTEN, and to WHOM?

So many professionals who work with business families are used to taking orders form one PERSON (the boss) and the rest of the family are merely an afterthought.

When advising a business family, ideally the FAMILY is the client. That is a huge leap, and one that is never easy to make.

Some advisors don’t get this, and some can understand it in theory but find it impossible in practice. Beware the “yes man” advisor.

 

  1. Beware: “I have THE solution for YOU”

Recycling is great for your garbage, not so much for your family legacy. If your consultant arrives with lots of “ready-made” solutions that they have used with others in their experience, please ask LOTS of questions

Buying a suit off the rack is okay, but a plan for YOUR family’s legacy should be custom-made for YOUR family.

 

  1. There is no “Free Lunch”

Good professional advice is not free, and shouldn’t be either. Some providers, usually in the asset management space, will promise to do many things for their wealthy clients “for free”.

There is not necessarily anything wrong with this, IF you understand and accept the terms and conditons that go with that.

Buying based on “low price” is not recommended either, but understanding HOW advisors are compensated should not be overlooked.

 

IFEA “Seal of Approval”

In Canada, over the past several years a few hundred people have been through the multi-disciplinary Family Enterprise Advisor program and a couple of hundred have then gone on to become “FEA” designates.

As one of them, I have a certain bias, and look at the letters “FEA” as kind of a “seal of approval”.

The field is evolving and many professionals are trying to find ways to capitalize on the huge demographic wealth transfer that is now underway.

All FEA designates have been through a thorough program and a rigorous certification process.

Please do your homework, and choose well.

 

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Even if it’s Free, I Don’t Want it

No Money bag sign icon. Dollar USD currency symbol. Red prohibition sign. Stop symbol. Vector

A few weeks back, I was on the road with my teenage son for a week, attending a basketball camp in the US. We shared a hotel room, as we had in previous years when we made the same trip.

It made me think back to times in my life when I had travelled on business with my father, and we had shared a hotel room on occasion.

My Dad was quite a snorer, and his loudness sometimes kept me from getting a good night’s sleep.

I am a former loud snorer, but thanks to the C-PAP machine I’ve used for years now, I get a restful night of sleep, and so does anyone sleeping within earshot.

 

Talking in your Sleep

One morning I asked my son if he was sleeping OK, concerned that I might be keeping him awake despite the “snoring machine”, as we call it in our family.

No snoring issues were reported, but apparently I do talk in my sleep sometimes. One night, according to my “roommate”, I uttered, “Even if it’s free, I don’t want it”.

I could not deny having said that, because it sounds like just the kind of thing that I would say. Not only that, it also sounds like the kind of thing my Dad would have said too.

I had no recollection of whatever dream I was having when I said it, but it did strike me as something that would be worth exploring here. The concepts of “free stuff” and “getting what you want” apply to many family legacy topics.

 

Zero Dollars

The word “free” itself seems to be disappearing in the business context; I am constantly annoyed by radio commercials from mobile phone carriers offering the latest device for “Zero Dollars”. (So it’s not free?)

And just because something is free, or included, does that mean you should take it? Think about that free dessert that comes with your meal.

Providers of goods and services put lots of thought into how to price, market, and bundle their wares in order to maximize profits, and often what seems like a great deal at first becomes a little “less good” for the consumer upon deeper reflection.

 

But it’s FREE!

When you think about low-cost items like a meal or even a monthly phone plan, the stakes are not that high, so who cares, right?

But what about transferring your family’s wealth to the next generation, you know, investments, banking, life insurance, and legal and accounting services?

Unfortunately few families have even a basic understanding of how those who provide them with big-ticket services get paid at the end of the day.

When something seems “free”, it is usually worth asking a few questions. More than a few, if that is what it takes to truly understand the business relationship that is being considered, or that has being going on for some time already.

“Gee that insurance fella seems like a great guy, he’s been really helpful, AND, he never sends us a bill!” If you saw how much the insurance company paid him for selling you that policy, you would have a better understanding.

And then there’s, “The bank offered to take care of all this for us for nothing!”

 

You get what you pay for

This blog often contains useful ideas, and it is free, that doesn’t make it bad, does it? Well of course not, I put this stuff out there at no cost, because some of my readers do buy my services, and it helps me attract other paying clients, and so I do it for that reason.

If there is one hope that I have in this area it is for families to take a more active role in deciding what services they DO want and need, and for them to realize how all their advisors get paid.

And if you have different specialist advisors, please understand that having them collaborate may seem more expensive in the short run, but it makes so much more sense in the end.

It’s not free, but definitely worth it.

And if you paid someone to coordinate it all for you, that would likely pay for itself too!

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Sweet Secluded Rendez-Vous

rendezvous2016_archive

As I hinted last week, I will attempt to review my experience at my third trip to Rendez-Vous, the annual get together of the Purposeful Planning Institute.

A couple of months back when I attended the annual CAFÉ Symposium, I recapped my trip with a “Top 10 List” of the event. For Rendez-Vous, I’ve decided on 2 “Top 5 Lists”.

The Top 5 of the sessions I attended, will be followed by a Top 5 of the best things about attending Rendez-Vous, from my own biased perspective, of course.

 

Top 5 Sessions 

 

  1. Collaboration Day

Rendez-Vous (R-V) officially got under way on Wednesday evening, but this year there was something new in the mix, and many attendees took advantage of it.

Preceding the usual R-V was another conference called Fusion Collaboration (FC), aimed at introducing more technical practitioners (lawyers and CPA’s) into the purposeful work that attracts others to R-V.

The final day of FC was dubbed “Collaboration Day”, and through keynotes, break-outs and an interactive video case with roundtable discussions, lots of valuable lessons were learned on just what it takes for various professionals to work together on solving real family issues for clients.

 

  1. Helping or Hurting

Karen Laprade and Kyle Harrison’s breakout session once again did not disappoint, evident by the fact that they ran over time yet not a single person noticed or even looked at the door.

The real life case stories they shared, and the input that they asked for and got from everyone was just the type of interaction and collaboration that you really only get at Rendez-Vous.

 

  1. FRED Talks

A take-off on “TED Talks”, a series of five tight 18-minute talks from a variety of experts shed light on everyting from addiction to widows finding love again, to ways that Millenials are changing how families communicate.

 

  1. Jaffe & Grubman on Cultural Differences

Dennis and Jim presented work on the three dominant cultural styles around the world, and talked about how global families have to deal with new realities arising from differences in how things play out in a home culture when the rising generation is exposed to other cultures through education and marriage.

 

  1. Gratitude

The opening keynote on Thursday by Robert Emmons was about how gratitude is so important to success and happiness, yet it costs nothing. In fact, the more you give, the more you usually get back.

And he wasn’t just making stuff up, he has a PhD in this, and shared ways to demonstrate and share our gratitude, and hopefully make that a lifelong habit.

 

 

Top 5 Reasons to Attend

 

  1. Welcoming Vibe

From the first time I attended Rendez-Vous, the vibe was what hit me. This is not a conference where experts with big egos pontificate to the wannabes, it is the opposite of that.

Every single attendee and presenter has always been more than open to talk about the issues that we all face in helping families achieve better results with their planning.

 

  1. Community

As this was my third year in a row attending, I am now at the point where I truly see and feel the community aspect of PPI, which dovetails with the welcoming vibe.

Everyone seems to share my feeling that we need to spread the message to the masses, and nobody is trying to “corner the market” because there will be plenty of work for all of us when a majority of families recognize the importance of this work.

 

  1. Dutch Treat

Small groups of attendees go to a restaurant and chat about whatever they want, and really get to know each other. This adds so much to the camaraderie of the event.

 

  1. Collaboration Unifies everything

It becomes clear that PPI is all about getting professionals from various fields to collaborate in service of their family clients.

 

  1. Jay Hughes

How could I not mention Jay Hughes? PPI’s first Laureate, and most deservedly so, Jay was present throughout, and I have rarely met a kinder, more humble man.

Thanks to Jay and John A. Warnick, PPI continues to spread its influence and grow. See you at Rendez-Vous 2017. Get off the fence, be there.

 

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Progress vs. Perfection

ProgressCropSS

This week I was in Denver for conferences by the Purposeful Planning Institute, one of my favourite organizations. I’ll attempt a recap next week.

On Tuesday I noted the expression “Progress is more important than perfection” during one of the sessions. “Oh, I like that one, I’ve even used it personally”, I thought to myself.

Trouble is, due to the number of presentations and my less-than-stellar note-taking, I completely forgot the context in which it was raised, so I am kinda flying blind here.

So instead, I will share the contexts in which I have heard and used the concept before, and then get to its importance in the realm of transitioning family business, wealth, and legacy.

Now it also brought to mind another, seemingly contradictory expression, and I wrestled with that, so I will try to square that circle too.

 

Coaching courses

When I began taking coaching courses years ago, the idea of simply trying to help people get “unstuck” really resonated with me. Just making a bit of progress and overcoming inertia can be huge, because when you feel stuck, anywhere but where you are seems like a step up..

In contrast, you aim for perfection, but spend so much time with aiming the rifle that you never actually fire any shots. (I’m not a big fan of guns, but I just spent a week in the Wild West, please forgive this analogy).

We all know people who put things off forever, waiting for the perfect time to act, which never arrives.

Zig Ziglar had some great schticks about this, talking about people who live on “Someday Ilse”, and giving people a round piece of cardboard with “To It” written on it, so they could finally do all of the things they promised to do when they “got a round ‘to it’”.

 

Family transitions

Families who are looking at how they are going to transition their business, wealth, and legacy to the next generation will often fall into this trap too. It is rarely the “right time” to begin doing this work, so delays in getting started are quite common.

A proper, well-thought-out transition will usually take years, so that “perfect state” is really far off, and the time it takes to see the finish line can discourage families along the way.

Good advisors are constantly reminding their clients of how far they have come, that they are moving in the right direction, and how important realistic expectations are.

On a personal level, I’ve used the progress/perfection concept to keep myself motivated in my own long-term project, that of getting to a healthier weight.

Neither family transitions nor weight loss will typically follow a straight line, so being satisfied with some progress can be a huge element in encouraging “stick-to-it-tive-ness”.

But then I thought about this other expression: “Don’t let ‘good’ be the enemy of ‘great’”. Hmmm… I like that one too, but it feels like a contradiction to “progress vs. perfection”.

 

Action orientation

Good vs. Great is more about being satisfied with something mediocre and therefore never trying to get to something great. The big differences to me are the time element, and the sequence.

In a static situation, good/great is about being satisfied with something sub-optimal and being too lazy to try for something better. The family is getting along “OK”, so why try to improve things, we may just make them worse? You’ll never get to a better state, due to inertia and fear.

In a dynamic context, like a project, it is no longer about getting started, it is now about not getting discouraged into stopping along the way. “We’ve tried to get the kids to work together well, and they still aren’t doing great things together, so why bother?”

Well, if they had not even been on speaking terms for years, and can now be in the same room and speak to each other civilly, can we agree that that’s an improvement?

The small steps need to be recognized and celebrated as important progress. Then you need to keep at it. Now that things are “good”, try to make them great!

Progress is good, but keep going for great.

 

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